How to 'Splain

It's uncommon, I suspect, that after college a person is able to depend upon their core group of friends in the same ways they did when everyone lived on the same campus, or at least in the same town. Moving to Bloomington for grad school was such a let down because I knew that Elaine wasn't across the street, the Liz wasn't in the next room, and Cat would no longer be at my lunch table. The random drop-by's and dinners together in the dining commons were no longer every day nor yearly events to look forward to that involved these essential people.

Sometimes I wonder how I am able to live in this tiny town by myself, traversing the same paths that used to carry me to my people and now direct me to my job or in endless circles around a neighborhood in which I know no one.

Once you leave college, you anticipate the huge events to bring you and those important to you back together, even though you know it can never replicate the bliss of those years of sharing classes, meals, secrets, and long walks around the Loop. Reunions, weddings, these are the events that must reunite all of you. This past weekend, for the first time in four years, I found myself in a city looking at most of the people I dearly loved in college, the ones who met for Tuesday night dinners and those I shared road trips with.

The event that brought us together was, indeed, significant: the girl who is closest to my soul was married in the most beautiful church to a phenomenal man who gets her and appreciates all the things that make her Elaine. I was honored to stand with her that day, but even more so by the words she spoke about me at the rehearsal dinner. The bride and groom toasted their attendants and I was surprised and touched. Elaine and I share so many memories, in fact, I can hardly recall any TU memory that that does not involve her. The first year when we were not close is a blur; I remember nothing. It's as if my life started during that second year, after she befriended me.

As she gave me space to emerge from my tightly-woven cocoon, Elaine shared with me the world of music, writing, and random creativity. Her charge, "Give me three good reasons why you can't go with me..." completely changed my life. Because of her, I found who I am (which was no small task); I found my voice and the path before me, and I struck out with her at my side, fully supporting me.

Having that encouraging, loving presence marks a person -- marks you as someone who is loved, but also challenges the receiver it to pass it on. I learned to love, to be a true friend, to expand my mind and to stick to my guns when necessary through our friendship.

These last few years watching from a distance as Elaine met and fell in love with Jim, I witnessed a growth in her that I wasn't expecting, and I knew he must possess something profound, something intense and wonderful. After meeting him, I knew this to be true.

I did not know it possible to share in so much joy with someone...especially from such a distance. Maybe because I'm going through a very similar stage of life, I am able to appreciate their triumphs and trials. Maybe it's because she and I have a deep and abiding connection. Maybe it's just because I love her dearly.


'Laine, I am blessed by having you in my life and being a part of your wedding day meant so much. Thank you, darling! And Congratulations!

To Jim & Elaine! Many years. Many laughs. Much love.