Barrier of Evil

To anyone who knew me prior to my semester abroad experience in college, I was quite an intense person. I didn't really have a sense of humor and I didn't talk or smile very often. I may have developed, in my first two years in school, somewhat of a reputation in our extremely small dorm (only 70 or so people) as a person not to be messed with.

When I spent the semester in Ireland, a lot changed for me. I opened up to people and learned how to laugh and smile. I learned to like people and began to embrace things that were out of my control.

But few people back in Indiana had a clue that I'd be different upon my return, and for the freshman who entered our dorm that semester, what they heard of me "put the fear" into them, as one of my friends told me. I don't necessarily know what stories were told, what tall tales the guys spun about me, but there was one freshman who was terrified of me.

I tend to be a bit sarcastic, and sometimes, even still, people can't tell if I'm joking or serious, but this guy, J., he could never tell.

Because of his reactions to me, it became a sort of game for me to see how long it took for me to scare him senseless, or at least to make him walk away or turn and run (which did happen). [Leslie, my experience with J. helped me understand why you tortured me in our younger years...it was fun for you. I see that now.]

Last week I was telling a colleague about J. and his fear of me, combined with a recent story about how unapproachable I can make myself, if I'm in an uncomfortable spot.

My colleague responded with a laugh, saying, "I guess I haven't mastered the Barrier of Evil that you've created around yourself, your aura."

Thus, it finally has a name, the image, the manner in which I conducted myself for so many years. My own bubble--the Barrier of Evil.