Sometimes it seems as though the world chooses to omit details about growing up that would have been very useful to know years ago or, in the very least, before a situation hits you smack in the face.
My first example stems from my early post-college days, when I walked into a dermatologist's office extremely self-conscious and upset with my skin. The doctor examines my face and says to me: "It is common for women in their early twenties to develop acne, even those who never had it in adolescence."
Really?? How did I not know this? How is this not something that is shared in the annual period / sex talks in school from the 4th grade up? How was I completely unprepared to face terrible acne at 23 without knowing that it is a common occurrence.
I'll admit to you that I doubted his nonchalance, yet I have met fellow sufferers since that time who show me there is some truth to his statement. (Though I deplore that at age 30 I am still dealing with this issue. Come on. Don't we deserve a break at some stage of life?) Awesome. Thanks, Life. Thanks for that one.
The second example I have for you today is related to physical appearance but not at all in the same way. It is yet another decision or a situation where you are forced to ask yourself, How did I not learn about this before now?!
My question is this: How do I break up with my hairdresser?
Now, truthfully, this "hairdresser" could be any personal service provider like a massage therapist, eyebrow waxer or what have you. This is an especially tricky issue when you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and your personal service provider knows what car you drive and which days you drive to that gas station or restaurant and which you don't.
This has totally happened to me once before with a masseuse; I had been seeing her for a while, but was not highly impressed. One day when I had to squeeze in an appointment with someone else in her building, I found a much better masseuse and I immediately faced the dilemma--how do I switch without being a jerk? It has nothing to do with you as a person, it's just...someone else can meet my needs better. No one had prepared me for how to address this kind of a situation!
This year, I'm faced with another difficult decision of wanting to change hairdressers, but not wanting to hurt feelings. I've been going to the same girl for five years and I feel bad ditching her, but want to give someone else a try.
Life has handed me a card I wasn't anticipating; I've been able to ease the letdown of my departure by playing the "we're moving" card. Part of me feels terrible even though I have a legitimate excuse, but the other half is relieved for the "valid" reason. I'm torn even as I process this tonight: Isn't my desire to find a new hair trimmer enough of a valid reason? Should I feel guilty about attempting to find someone else who can meet my needs or standards in a way more conducive with my ideals?
These are simply two examples of many more that I've come across as an adult, each of which has left me wondering why didn't you tell me? You being Life, Parents, Older cousins who met those milestones first, or Any friend who could have (and should have) alerted me to these facts of life before they hit me square in the face and left me grasping for words.
12 September 2012
03 July 2012
Upon waking...
I think I've been asleep for the last 2 months, dreaming all that transpired. Today, I feel as if I have wakened from that dream (was it a nightmare?).
My first summer session began on May 14th, before which I was scrambling to finish a rough draft of my thesis. The course -- Foucauldian Thought in Transatlantic 19th-century Literature -- was the hardest and most brain-busting one to date. It nearly destroyed me. But, alas, I did finish the classroom experience last Wednesday and the final paper on Friday, and then I turned off my brain and sat still for a while. I watched countless episodes of TV shows on Netflix, took a nap, cuddled with my kitten, and reorganized my recipes in the Cloud. I scoured three cookbooks, scanning numerous recipes and ultimately deciding one of them needs to be purchased for my gluten-free cookbook library.
Kyle and I have managed to continue living in the last 7 weeks during this course, but it has been exhausting. He took off two of the most recent weekends to give me space and time and quiet to write papers. I had forgotten how grueling driving to class two nights a week can be. But thankfully, that part of my journey is almost over. I won't ever have to drive twice a week again, and I'm not certain how often I'll need to drive in the Fall. The professor who's leading my independent study will have to help me determine that. I'm hoping no more than once every other week. Oh, that it will be so!
This summer, more than last, I realize how much I miss "time off." Since I'm technically a 10-month employee, I should have my June-July-part of Aug away from work. It never ends up that way, or it hasn't much since I began working here 5 years ago. The first summer, I worked through the summer for extra pay. It was fine--I was living alone, paying off student loans, and didn't mind in the least. That second summer, I got engaged and spent most of the time between Arizona and South Carolina and my parents' home getting ready for the wedding. I think I worked through the third summer, again for extra pay, which helped immensely in our first year of marriage. But the last 3 summers have been SCHOOL. And that is NOT a break and it is not fun and I'm super ready for a summer of no school and no work. I dream about vacations, trips, even just spending time with our families, whom I have hardly seen this year.
This month brings a little bit of freedom with it, however, which is much appreciated. My course at UIndy was cancelled at the last minute, and I scrambled to arrange an independent study. Turns out, I scored one here in town that will transfer quite easily upon my finishing it in August. No more night classes! No more 3-hour classes! And I'm studying a 19th-c. Scottish children's author: George MacDonald. He writes fantasy children's novels and stories and poems, but he was also a pastor and author for adults. You may be familiar with At the Back of the North Wind or The Princess and the Goblin. I'm really excited for this change of pace.
I do still need to work on my thesis revisions, which will be intense. Today I looked over my adviser's comments on each chapter and I sank into a mini-depression. It's unreasonable, I know, because my first drafts are always bad. I find joy in the revision process; or I used to. I just need to focus on smaller chunks of the whole, because that picture of 75 pages that aren't worth much is pretty scary. Pray for me, if you think about it. I have a LOT of work ahead of me. But I have more time in which to do it, so that is my greatest summer blessing!
My first summer session began on May 14th, before which I was scrambling to finish a rough draft of my thesis. The course -- Foucauldian Thought in Transatlantic 19th-century Literature -- was the hardest and most brain-busting one to date. It nearly destroyed me. But, alas, I did finish the classroom experience last Wednesday and the final paper on Friday, and then I turned off my brain and sat still for a while. I watched countless episodes of TV shows on Netflix, took a nap, cuddled with my kitten, and reorganized my recipes in the Cloud. I scoured three cookbooks, scanning numerous recipes and ultimately deciding one of them needs to be purchased for my gluten-free cookbook library.
Kyle and I have managed to continue living in the last 7 weeks during this course, but it has been exhausting. He took off two of the most recent weekends to give me space and time and quiet to write papers. I had forgotten how grueling driving to class two nights a week can be. But thankfully, that part of my journey is almost over. I won't ever have to drive twice a week again, and I'm not certain how often I'll need to drive in the Fall. The professor who's leading my independent study will have to help me determine that. I'm hoping no more than once every other week. Oh, that it will be so!
This summer, more than last, I realize how much I miss "time off." Since I'm technically a 10-month employee, I should have my June-July-part of Aug away from work. It never ends up that way, or it hasn't much since I began working here 5 years ago. The first summer, I worked through the summer for extra pay. It was fine--I was living alone, paying off student loans, and didn't mind in the least. That second summer, I got engaged and spent most of the time between Arizona and South Carolina and my parents' home getting ready for the wedding. I think I worked through the third summer, again for extra pay, which helped immensely in our first year of marriage. But the last 3 summers have been SCHOOL. And that is NOT a break and it is not fun and I'm super ready for a summer of no school and no work. I dream about vacations, trips, even just spending time with our families, whom I have hardly seen this year.
This month brings a little bit of freedom with it, however, which is much appreciated. My course at UIndy was cancelled at the last minute, and I scrambled to arrange an independent study. Turns out, I scored one here in town that will transfer quite easily upon my finishing it in August. No more night classes! No more 3-hour classes! And I'm studying a 19th-c. Scottish children's author: George MacDonald. He writes fantasy children's novels and stories and poems, but he was also a pastor and author for adults. You may be familiar with At the Back of the North Wind or The Princess and the Goblin. I'm really excited for this change of pace.
I do still need to work on my thesis revisions, which will be intense. Today I looked over my adviser's comments on each chapter and I sank into a mini-depression. It's unreasonable, I know, because my first drafts are always bad. I find joy in the revision process; or I used to. I just need to focus on smaller chunks of the whole, because that picture of 75 pages that aren't worth much is pretty scary. Pray for me, if you think about it. I have a LOT of work ahead of me. But I have more time in which to do it, so that is my greatest summer blessing!
26 April 2012
The Truth of My Predicament
A friend of mine recently showed this to me. We laughed about the truth of it...if you only exchange the "vegan" part with all of the other combined and odd sensitivities that I have, this is a pretty accurate (and sad) picture.
This is why I don't want to come to your house for dinner (*you being anyone and everyone I know and don't know). Please don't take it personally, I just don't want to impose such restrictions on you. They are ridiculous, I know.
This week I haven't had anything to eat for lunch. I really dislike corn tortillas. I've tried for 2 months to like them, but I can't. They're gross. And they have been what I've eaten for lunch for a while. I can't choke down one more (ok, maybe I can one more, but that's it).
I struggle with lunches. Yesterday I had the equivalent of 4 tortilla chips, an apple, 5 handfuls of mini marshmallows, and 2 carmel corn rice cakes. My last batch of sweet potatoes molded through before I could snag most of them. I hate throwing away produce, but when there are mold holes throughout the potato, you can't save it. Strings of mold in the bag where they were sitting. It was so gross I haven't bought any more.
I don't know what I'll eat today for lunch, maybe...a baked potato in the microwave? Probably.
I need help! I don't have time to cook lunch, and I don't really have time on the weekends to make dinners and lunches. What are some ideas that I could have for a quick lunch?
Thanks, friends. I obviously need you to keep me going--I can't even feed myself properly.
This is why I don't want to come to your house for dinner (*you being anyone and everyone I know and don't know). Please don't take it personally, I just don't want to impose such restrictions on you. They are ridiculous, I know.
This week I haven't had anything to eat for lunch. I really dislike corn tortillas. I've tried for 2 months to like them, but I can't. They're gross. And they have been what I've eaten for lunch for a while. I can't choke down one more (ok, maybe I can one more, but that's it).
I struggle with lunches. Yesterday I had the equivalent of 4 tortilla chips, an apple, 5 handfuls of mini marshmallows, and 2 carmel corn rice cakes. My last batch of sweet potatoes molded through before I could snag most of them. I hate throwing away produce, but when there are mold holes throughout the potato, you can't save it. Strings of mold in the bag where they were sitting. It was so gross I haven't bought any more.
I don't know what I'll eat today for lunch, maybe...a baked potato in the microwave? Probably.
I need help! I don't have time to cook lunch, and I don't really have time on the weekends to make dinners and lunches. What are some ideas that I could have for a quick lunch?
Thanks, friends. I obviously need you to keep me going--I can't even feed myself properly.
13 April 2012
Mostly good
We've been so lucky that most of our trial dishes and baked goods have been, well, good to eat. Just before Easter, when we were heading back to our parents' houses, I decided to make some blueberry muffins to have as a snack, since I don't have too many snacky options.
I chose a recipe from the Food Network thinking--they surely know what they're talking about when it comes to gluten-free baked goods. But, man, was I wrong. The flavor was great. That was it. The texture was gooey and yet grainy; absolutely detestable. It's impossible to explain enough to make your skin crawl, like mine did every time I looked at them after consuming just one. Suffice it to say, I threw the whole batch out - except the first one I ate, and then one Kyle ate just to be nice. Even thinking about them now gives me the shivers.
I was about to swear off baked goods because of that experience, but I remembered an earlier success I'd had with pumpkin muffins, as well as some cinnamony doughnut muffins. That memory inspired me to try a biscuit recipe from my cousin's cookbook suggestion--Artisanal Gluten-Free Cooking. Their base flour mix is what makes the delicious pancakes I love and the pumpkin muffins (I think). Having now made their biscuits, I'm happy to say, they were awesome! Reminiscent of Bisquick drop biscuits, except an incredibly delicious flavor. So easy to make, too. I did not like their recipe for cornbread, but so far, have liked everything else.
I am definitely still feeling like I don't have an arsenal of recipes, and I hate that...every week wondering what will feed us. Lunch has become the biggest chore to me; I wish I could skip it, but I get grouchy. But, once every couple weeks we find a new winner recipe, and I'm keeping track of the good ones. We're making it just fine, and we're not wasting away. I have lost almost 10 lbs., but they were 10 that needed to go. Probably all from snacking, which I don't do a whole lot of these days. Kyle has not lost any weight, thank the Lord. So, all in all, we're happy.
And busy. I'll be updating very shortly on another major life event we're embarking on, and it has nothing to do with babies, so don't get any ideas. :o)
I chose a recipe from the Food Network thinking--they surely know what they're talking about when it comes to gluten-free baked goods. But, man, was I wrong. The flavor was great. That was it. The texture was gooey and yet grainy; absolutely detestable. It's impossible to explain enough to make your skin crawl, like mine did every time I looked at them after consuming just one. Suffice it to say, I threw the whole batch out - except the first one I ate, and then one Kyle ate just to be nice. Even thinking about them now gives me the shivers.
I was about to swear off baked goods because of that experience, but I remembered an earlier success I'd had with pumpkin muffins, as well as some cinnamony doughnut muffins. That memory inspired me to try a biscuit recipe from my cousin's cookbook suggestion--Artisanal Gluten-Free Cooking. Their base flour mix is what makes the delicious pancakes I love and the pumpkin muffins (I think). Having now made their biscuits, I'm happy to say, they were awesome! Reminiscent of Bisquick drop biscuits, except an incredibly delicious flavor. So easy to make, too. I did not like their recipe for cornbread, but so far, have liked everything else.
I am definitely still feeling like I don't have an arsenal of recipes, and I hate that...every week wondering what will feed us. Lunch has become the biggest chore to me; I wish I could skip it, but I get grouchy. But, once every couple weeks we find a new winner recipe, and I'm keeping track of the good ones. We're making it just fine, and we're not wasting away. I have lost almost 10 lbs., but they were 10 that needed to go. Probably all from snacking, which I don't do a whole lot of these days. Kyle has not lost any weight, thank the Lord. So, all in all, we're happy.
And busy. I'll be updating very shortly on another major life event we're embarking on, and it has nothing to do with babies, so don't get any ideas. :o)
12 April 2012
A Senior Moment
No, not that kind of senior.
We obviously have too much going on, if poor kitty has to entertain himself by playing tennis alone in the house.
Check this guy out! Senior Picture Time!
We obviously have too much going on, if poor kitty has to entertain himself by playing tennis alone in the house.
12 March 2012
New Loves
I've developed a new awareness for foods, along with a new appreciation for some I've never given a chance. We had butternut squash as a side last week--it was awesome.
I had sweet potatoes as a lunch: I'm in love! So filling and delicious. Where have you been all my life? (I know where; I had hated them for much of my life. They weren't even on the list of edible items.)
And the absolute best: guacamole. It's not a real "recipe" for guac, it's just some powdered garlic and onion, dash of cayenne, salt, seasoned salt, pepper and a Tb or so of lime juice. I can just eat it off of a spoon, but I also like it on tortilla chips and on these super spicy bean burrito-ish things I've been eating. Each "burrito" consists of equal parts roasted red jalapeno refried black beans and guacamole on a small corn tortilla. Yums!
I had a moment of panic over the weekend when I realized we were out of ideas for food and it really is too soon to do repeats of what we've already had. I spent too much time coming up with recipes on Saturday night so we could grab the ingredients from the grocery after church on Sunday.
We crock potted the pork and green chili stew that we love, only we had to exchange chunky salsa with beef broth. It just wasn't the same. Kind of disappointing, but pork is always good -- so there was that.
We will try a stuffed squash recipe later this week that incorporates sausage, quinoa, and onion filling. I have no idea. These aren't really my favorite things in the world, but I'm willing to try. I'm also hoping to make a roasted veggie butternut squash soup. In my spare time, of course.
I had sweet potatoes as a lunch: I'm in love! So filling and delicious. Where have you been all my life? (I know where; I had hated them for much of my life. They weren't even on the list of edible items.)
And the absolute best: guacamole. It's not a real "recipe" for guac, it's just some powdered garlic and onion, dash of cayenne, salt, seasoned salt, pepper and a Tb or so of lime juice. I can just eat it off of a spoon, but I also like it on tortilla chips and on these super spicy bean burrito-ish things I've been eating. Each "burrito" consists of equal parts roasted red jalapeno refried black beans and guacamole on a small corn tortilla. Yums!
I had a moment of panic over the weekend when I realized we were out of ideas for food and it really is too soon to do repeats of what we've already had. I spent too much time coming up with recipes on Saturday night so we could grab the ingredients from the grocery after church on Sunday.
We crock potted the pork and green chili stew that we love, only we had to exchange chunky salsa with beef broth. It just wasn't the same. Kind of disappointing, but pork is always good -- so there was that.
We will try a stuffed squash recipe later this week that incorporates sausage, quinoa, and onion filling. I have no idea. These aren't really my favorite things in the world, but I'm willing to try. I'm also hoping to make a roasted veggie butternut squash soup. In my spare time, of course.
06 March 2012
Finding a Groove
I had intended to document, to some extent, the food journey we're on. I had a post entitled "Week 2: Overview" all ready, but at this point, I have forgotten what we ate last week. But I do know that we ate!
I ended up being hungry more often, and that was discouraging. I tried a very simple version of guacamole on plain rice cakes...um, the first 2 were good, but I still have an avocado left and several more rice cakes and I don't know if I can do it again. They certainly didn't wow me; but like I said, it was a sad version of guac without tomatoes, sour cream or lemon juice.
On Saturday, I was able to spend the entire day working on my thesis. It was awesome. When I got home for lunch, I realized I had no ready-made food: bummer. But thanks to the flour mix and the pancake recipe from Steph, I was able to whip up pancakes in no time. Yes, please! Success!
This weekend I tried an allergen-free version of stroganoff. Scary--I mean the thought was scary. Stroganoff is one of the delightful comfort foods--creamy and flavorful. We cooked up some rice noodles (they take much longer) and threw together this dairy-free sauce. Both of us were skeptical. However, the result was delicious. Different than the traditional dish, yes. But still really good. I'd make it again next week. And, the plus is that it really isn't as bad for you as the traditional dish. One thing I'm learning and appreciating is that the things I "have" to make for myself are better for me, and not having dairy cuts out on some fat.
Have I mentioned the jelly beans I have found that are saving my sweet tooth? Gimbal's Fine Candies is a company I now love, and had never heard of three weeks ago. They keep the top 8 allergens out of their candy, and use real fruit juice rather and no high fructose corn syrup. The Cherry Lovers line is awesome, and safe for me. I have bought 4 or 5 bags so far.
This week we're looking at a lentil soup recipe that is very different from the ones we've loved in the past. No tomatoes (*sniff). But it looks and smells delicious -- tonight will be the first tasting. We'll serve it with the leftover rice noodles -- which taste very good, by the way -- and perhaps later with some rice. I'm contemplating freezing portions of this soup for my lunches.
Lunches are hard. If I have leftover pancakes or something small, I'm fine. But when I don't, like today, life gets tricky. Some days, I eat a few pieces of fruit and veggie sticks with roasted red pepper hummus. It's never enough, but what else? Where is my bread or yogurt? Those were my defaults. This week, I have a can of green chile refried black beans that I'll open, and I still have that avocado and rice cakes. Today I found a sweet potato in the veggie drawer -- that is a surprisingly filling meal. 2 carrots (whole carrots) and a sweet potato later, and I was on my way back to work. I had a time deadline today that didn't allow for anything else.
Sunday I experienced my first party-going gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, lemon-free, pineapple-free, tomato-free, nut-free, etc. experience. It was depressing, I have to admit. Of all the delicious and beautiful foods there--cakes, scones, spinach-artichoke dip, punch, cookies--I could have only the fruit salad I brought and some fresh veggies. And water. The party was to celebrate the engagement and upcoming marriage of a dear friend, so I tried not to let my personal issues detract from enjoying all the people, some of whom I rarely get to see. But it was hard during the "eating" time. I really wanted a cranberry, white-chocolate chip scone and a dark chocolate cookie with powdered sugar. I had the awkward moments where someone would offer something and I just had to say "No" when both they and I knew that I'd prefer to say "Yes!".
It foreshadowed the painful experience awaiting me later this week (a professional conference that I'll have to pack my lunch for) and later this month -- attending the wedding of my brother-in-law. Not that the wedding will be painful. But the whole eating with lots of people for 4 days will be excruciating. I don't want to do it. I'd avoid it if at all possible. Talk about being high maintenance. Good grief.
Is it wrong of me to want to hide out? To avoid social situations where it gets awkward or where I could easily forget that I can't have something that I truly enjoy eating?
When I am home and in control of my eating prep, I am confident. This is doable. It's the outside bit that scares me and makes me dread the upcoming weeks.
I ended up being hungry more often, and that was discouraging. I tried a very simple version of guacamole on plain rice cakes...um, the first 2 were good, but I still have an avocado left and several more rice cakes and I don't know if I can do it again. They certainly didn't wow me; but like I said, it was a sad version of guac without tomatoes, sour cream or lemon juice.
On Saturday, I was able to spend the entire day working on my thesis. It was awesome. When I got home for lunch, I realized I had no ready-made food: bummer. But thanks to the flour mix and the pancake recipe from Steph, I was able to whip up pancakes in no time. Yes, please! Success!
This weekend I tried an allergen-free version of stroganoff. Scary--I mean the thought was scary. Stroganoff is one of the delightful comfort foods--creamy and flavorful. We cooked up some rice noodles (they take much longer) and threw together this dairy-free sauce. Both of us were skeptical. However, the result was delicious. Different than the traditional dish, yes. But still really good. I'd make it again next week. And, the plus is that it really isn't as bad for you as the traditional dish. One thing I'm learning and appreciating is that the things I "have" to make for myself are better for me, and not having dairy cuts out on some fat.
Have I mentioned the jelly beans I have found that are saving my sweet tooth? Gimbal's Fine Candies is a company I now love, and had never heard of three weeks ago. They keep the top 8 allergens out of their candy, and use real fruit juice rather and no high fructose corn syrup. The Cherry Lovers line is awesome, and safe for me. I have bought 4 or 5 bags so far.
This week we're looking at a lentil soup recipe that is very different from the ones we've loved in the past. No tomatoes (*sniff). But it looks and smells delicious -- tonight will be the first tasting. We'll serve it with the leftover rice noodles -- which taste very good, by the way -- and perhaps later with some rice. I'm contemplating freezing portions of this soup for my lunches.
Lunches are hard. If I have leftover pancakes or something small, I'm fine. But when I don't, like today, life gets tricky. Some days, I eat a few pieces of fruit and veggie sticks with roasted red pepper hummus. It's never enough, but what else? Where is my bread or yogurt? Those were my defaults. This week, I have a can of green chile refried black beans that I'll open, and I still have that avocado and rice cakes. Today I found a sweet potato in the veggie drawer -- that is a surprisingly filling meal. 2 carrots (whole carrots) and a sweet potato later, and I was on my way back to work. I had a time deadline today that didn't allow for anything else.
Sunday I experienced my first party-going gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, lemon-free, pineapple-free, tomato-free, nut-free, etc. experience. It was depressing, I have to admit. Of all the delicious and beautiful foods there--cakes, scones, spinach-artichoke dip, punch, cookies--I could have only the fruit salad I brought and some fresh veggies. And water. The party was to celebrate the engagement and upcoming marriage of a dear friend, so I tried not to let my personal issues detract from enjoying all the people, some of whom I rarely get to see. But it was hard during the "eating" time. I really wanted a cranberry, white-chocolate chip scone and a dark chocolate cookie with powdered sugar. I had the awkward moments where someone would offer something and I just had to say "No" when both they and I knew that I'd prefer to say "Yes!".
It foreshadowed the painful experience awaiting me later this week (a professional conference that I'll have to pack my lunch for) and later this month -- attending the wedding of my brother-in-law. Not that the wedding will be painful. But the whole eating with lots of people for 4 days will be excruciating. I don't want to do it. I'd avoid it if at all possible. Talk about being high maintenance. Good grief.
Is it wrong of me to want to hide out? To avoid social situations where it gets awkward or where I could easily forget that I can't have something that I truly enjoy eating?
When I am home and in control of my eating prep, I am confident. This is doable. It's the outside bit that scares me and makes me dread the upcoming weeks.
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