WIN SOME, LOSE SOME

I love watching movies. I also love hanging out with friends. I've done quite a bit of the first in the past 2 weeks, and very little of the second.

Last night I was able to meet several friends of a friend, and contrary to my usual reactions to such meetings, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. In fact, it made me want to move to Arizona even more than I thought possible. Since it's my dream deferred, I've been laboring to repress that longing, but I can do that only for so long. Andrea is a good, old friend. And the people she lives with and those she is friends with are amazing. This gives me hope that when I do make it out here, I may find some normal, fun friends, too.

Because I love watching movies, I also love sharing my favorites with other people. Sometimes I try to stretch the minds and limits of my family by introducing them to my favs. Tonight I attempted this with my mom and sister and the movie Where the Heart Is. Leslie did not enjoy the movie. Several times she commented, "This is the most ridiculous storyline ever. I can't believe I'm watching this." Mom kept the negative comments to herself, but her sighing, which I can interpret better than most (being a sigher myself), spoke volumes. Too much immorality, too much destruction. Luckily, these days I am less swayed by their opinions, in that, if I share a favorite song or movie or book, and they dismiss it according to their values, I am still secure in my adoration of said item. I'm sad they can't enjoy all of the things that bring color and vibrance to my life, but we each have our own things. Thank God I can appreciate that now.

Today, so close to the new year, I feel like I have won in that I enjoyed myself when in my previous existence I would have been too anxious, too scared to open up to new people. I won in sharing some of the things I love with those closest to me, and in thus separating their reactions from my own personal opinions. I may have lost a few things, but it's worth it to be self-assured, secure, and happy. To embrace those around me, first, and question later. To step out in faith and to find goodness waiting. This is why I have won.