Photo essay of June 10th

I was instructed by highlighted map to a picnic spot at the top of this blocked-off road.

This was to my back, a setting sun and mountains of saguaro.

What I found at the top of the restricted access road—Nothing.

And this path, which opened up to this:

And this:


Where he was…waiting for me like he’d been there forever.

At this most beautiful place

in this most beautiful state,

I promised to love him forever, even though I already knew I would.

Yesterday, I went back to get these pictures with some of my favorite Arizonians

Turning insults into compliments

Probably my favorite comment from Maddie this last week came as she was practicing writing words. Not yet in Kindergarten, she is very into spelling and writing, and does most of it phonetically.

She wrote me a message, giggling all the while, and brought it over to show me.

"See, Aunt Lana. It says, 'Hey, Aunt Lana, you're a baby!"

I looked down and read: "Hey, Aunt Lana, you are a BABE!"

She rocks. Obviously.



Another time, she was holding a squirmy Katie on her lap and responded to her grandma's request to help clean up:

"Well, I'd really like to help ya, but I've got this full grown kid on my lap. I'm handling a heavy kid."

Additions

I started out life with two sisters and a brother.

I never really considered what it would be like to add to the ranks of my siblings. Never realized that marriages would bring people in.

When Franz joined the family, I couldn't have been more thrilled to have another brother. And then Emily Jane found Evan and it seemed like she'd been a part of our family forever. Somewhere in there, we adopted a family from North Carolina and for once I had a little sister.

I decided that in my wedding I want my sisters to stand up with me, and when I counted them, I realized I have five, because I'm gaining another one from Kyle's family. Amy has always been someone that I admired and appreciated on numerous levels. I'm ecstatic to be able to call her sister here very shortly. No one matters more to me than these girls. I'm honored to have them support me on such a monumental day for me.

I can't neglect to mention, however, that I'm also gaining two brothers. Unbelievable!
Yay!

And the good times roll

Being the primary care-giver for the girls these last 4 days has been quite a challenge. Not to say I hate it. I don't. In fact, I very much enjoy the hilarity that their little jokes and antics bring to my days. But the emotional adjustment to having an aunt 24-7, instead of parents, has been quite rough for them (and for me).

"It's not that you're doing a bad job, it's just that I'm used to my mom and a babysitter for maybe a couple of hours, but not you and not all of the time." (Maddie, age 5)

At least she is mostly reasonable and you can ask her to explain her feelings and, miracle of miracles, she can. Katie (age 3), on the other hand, hasn't really been vocal about it. Meaning, she hasn't said too much about being upset, it's just extremely apparent in her grouchiness and her fear of sleeping alone. Also in the fact that she hadn't defecated in three days and today left me the most unbelievable pull-up full. Wow.

Here are some snippets of conversation that Maddie and I have shared in the last four days.

"Is God real?"
Upon my affirmation that He is real, she said, "Well, is Santa Clause real, too?"
I swallowed hard, prayed for God to forgive me, and chose not to be the one to give her that reality check.

In our discussion of God's presence and reality in the world, we talked about how he sends angels to watch over people, especially children.
"All the kids in the world?" she asked, incredulously. "Well, then, I think there must be six thousand, one hundred and six angels watching over all the children. Even the ones that are sixteen. Maybe even the ones that are, like, a hundred!"

Upon her direction, our conversation turned to good and evil, God versus Satan.
"Satan must have, like, two angels, and God has a hundred, right?"
I assured her the ratios were something like that.

There couldn't be a day with Maddie that didn't somehow involve talking about clothes and appearance. I fear for her as a teenager, but for right now, it's hilarious. She and I were laying on our sides on the couch our first afternoon together. We were both wearing pink and both thought we looked pretty good. She studied my shirt for a moment and said, "Um, not to be rude, but I don't think, if I were you, that I would have bought that shirt." Completely taken aback, I had no words, so she continued. "I mean, it's a little too open right here." She pointed to my chest. "I don't think I would wear that again, if I were you." Laughing at that point, I had to explain that it wasn't so "open" when I was standing up. Gravity affects us in the most unfortunate ways sometimes.

Another cute moment: "You have a freckle on your lip. That's pretty cute!"

Evidence that she can be sweet.

Music is also a very big part of Maddie's life. When Stevie Wonder's song "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" came on the radio yesterday, she listened intently to the words and then blurted, "I think you should sing this to Mr. Kyle. He'd really like the part where it says 'Here I am, baby'."

And finally, as we've been exchanging emails with her parents while they travel the world, it's been good for her to work on composing letters and awaiting responses. When she heard that her parents had escargot at dinner and that they want to take her on another cruise so she can try it again, she exclaimed, "That Rocks!" And instructed me to email her mom back saying, "That rocks, and because you said it, Mom, You Rock!"

So, four days in, we are starting to have fun. I see much more fun in our remaining week and a half.

A few quick shots

Before I deposited Kyle at the airport this evening, we had Em snap a few photos. Admittedly, we're horrible at posing, smiling upon command, and looking natural.

Despite all of that, she did manage to get some cute pictures. Don't you think?

And this...this RING! It is beautiful.

The Greatest Adventure

I've never had so many adventures as I've experienced these last few months with Kyle. His love for them has (sort of) seeped into sub-conscious and if I'm not careful, I'm pretty sure it could become part of me. A scary thought.

The latest adventure is by far the most spectacular, elaborate, deceitful, and conniving plan he's concocted yet.

This is the story of the first day of the rest of our lives...together.

Emily and I spent much of our day on Tuesday at her office. I read most of a book while waiting for our individual massages at 3:30pm. After the most relaxing and intense massage of my life (thanks to Lu Ann), Em dropped me off at home saying that she had errands and would be back in a bit as we decided what to do for dinner. I was distracted by the Internet--email and blogs and facebook--and forgot to shower off the massage lotion and oil. About forty-five minutes after leaving, she called to say she was further delayed and also that she'd seen a letter for me in the mail and told me where to find it.

Lana Gottschalk
c/o Emily Forman

The address was typed and void of all other markings. No date stamp, no stamp cancellation, no return address. Intrigued, with some coersion from Em, I opened it to find several numbered pages of typed text, what appeared to be rhyming clues to something. Only, it didn't say who it was from or what the clues were for.

I was so confused and immediately thrown off. Em kept encouraging me to investigate, but all I could think and say was -- "This is completely ridiculous. I don't know what this is. And I know you (emily) had something to do with this." She swore up and down that she had no clue.

"Don't you want to figure it out?"

I didn't, really, because I hate scavenger/treasure hunts. I hate not knowing. I hate being vulnerable and at the mercy of something/someone I can't control.

In talking with Em, she convinced me to figure out the first clue -- it sounded something like a library and kept mentioning Foothills. I found a Foothills Branch library in Glendale, about 15 minutes away from Emily's house. And, because I had no idea what was going on and because Emily kept talking (which didn't allow my better judgment to be heard), I grabbed some bottled water, hopped into the truck left at my disposal, and headed out to a random library to tell a reference librarian my name and ask for something (though I knew not what).

Based on the subsequent clues, I knew it was Kyle who was behind this. I suspected coersion with Emily, but her insistence on her own innocence and her suggestive implication of Franz led me to blame him. I had no idea what was going on, but thought maybe Kyle had rigged up some sort of a game with them to keep me from missing him these three long weeks that I'll be out here (long simply because I'm away from him. I love this state, these people, and everything about being out here).

The librarian gave me a stack of books when I introduced myself. My favorite books: The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, Tuck Everlasting, Wicked, and The Scarlet Letter. This boy doesn't miss anything. (Though, admittedly, the titles of my favorite books are plastered all over my web space.) Each clue gave hints at the book it related to: characters, plot details, and more all wrapped up in silly rhymes. I kept laughing, and getting looks from the kids sitting around me in the library. But try as I might, I couldn't figure them out. The clues directed me to words within the particular books, but I was lost and not comprehending how to find these specific words. So, I cheated.

I'm not a cheater, and it killed me to open the sealed "Only Open In Case of Emergency" envelope. But I couldn't take not knowing. At this point, I'd invested my time in figuring this whole thing out, and I would not quit. All or nothing. That's how I roll.

The sealed enveloped contained somewhat insulting, yet hilarious rhymes that gave me these clues: GLOVE. BOX. IN.

Back in the truck, I found another sealed envelope in the glove box. This one had my name written in huge capital letters -- handwriting I did not recognize. Within it, I discovered $5 in ones and quarters and a map to Lake Pleasant Regional Park. Though I'd never been TO Lake Pleasant, I've been past it and heard all about it's gorgeous waters from the Formans. I knew it was a good 30 minutes away, especially in rush hour traffic, which it was.

Confused and starting to hope that the end of all the madness would bring me to Kyle's surprise (which I increasingly believed to be HIS PRESENCE in Arizona, when he'd told me he couldn't get off of work), I called Sara W. while driving.

"I don't know what's going on, Sara! This is crazy."

She was thrilled at the adventure, but distracted me with a story about someone she just met.

Meanwhile, Emily kept calling back. "Where are you?" she'd say. I wondered why she cared, why it mattered. But I always told her.

I pulled into Lake Pleasant park and told the ranger at the station that I thought she had an envelope for me (as directed). When I offered her the $5 park fee, she gave me a look and said, "yeah, you don't have to pay." The look was very odd, and I realized at that moment that I'd seen it earlier...at the library, from TWO of the librarians. What does that look mean?

This envelope held a map of the park with a highlighted route. I followed. When I encountered a road block, I simply parked the truck at the side of the road and headed up the hill.

To my back, the sun was setting over mountains of saguaro cacti. Ahead of me, I caught glimpses of a crystal blue, sparkling lake below. I had to stop and soak in the beauty around me, despite my pounding heart and growing expectation of seeing Kyle. I knew the surprise would be seeing him. And I was thrilled, as I'd prepared my poor heart for these three weeks apart from him.

My eyes roamed frantically over the picnic tables and the rest station. Nothing.

Then, I rounded the crest of the hill. Lake Pleasant lay below me in all its splendor, and THERE HE WAS. Standing at the end of a small path. Smiling, giddily.

I took a few steps and stopped. Looked around. Totally confused. Although I had hoped to see him, knew he was behind all of this, seeing him atop a mountain at sunset in my favorite place in the world was too much. "How did you...? Where did you...? How long have you been here?"
It couldn't have been too long, I deduced because it was over 100 degrees out and he wasn't sweating (that I could see).

When he dropped to one knee, I was just staring at him. He had a box in his hand, but I was staring at his face, at his eyes, at his lips moving, though I heard nothing. "How are you here?" The questions poured out. He kept talking...I heard none of it, except this:
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you...."

There was a long pause. I looked around, back at him, at my hand that he was holding...I could not comprehend what was happening.

"Lana, will you marry me?"

I said yes, of course, and he slipped the most beautiful ring on my finger. It's perfect--fits perfectly and is exactly what I would have chosen, had I ever considered choosing a diamond ring.

He was shaking, as was I, and we were a total mess. Not crying, but seeing stars, as it were.

One might think the adventure to end there, but it wasn't over. Not nearly.

Emily, my dear, deceiving sister, had packed a bag of wine, cheese, strawberries, and crackers and stowed it in the back of the truck I was driving. We had a blanket to sit on, a non-working flashlight, and a 24-hour regional park at our disposal.

Our second attempt to find a perfect, somewhat secluded spot was successful (away from the dogs, the braying herd of wild burros, and overweight tatooed men with no shirts). We found a little peninsula by the water and sat down. The sun set within minutes and the endless Arizona night sky awakened -- bright half-moon and billions of stars.

His part of the story included these details. Emily's errand had been to pick him up from the airport. They had beaten me to Lake Pleasant by about five minutes, with Emily hiding her huge white Infiniti SUV somewhere in the park so I wouldn't see her. They had all been lying to me since April. Maddie was involved (her handwriting was on the envelopes with my name), and had kept the secret very well despite me making it not easy on her the day before (unbeknownst to me).

She told me later, "When you told me Mr. Kyle couldn't come out to visit, I didn't even know what to say! So I had to leave." She been so cavalier in her shrugged response, I thought her disinterested. Turns out, she was DYING inside to keep her secret.

We returned home late to find Maddie & Katie still up waiting for us and beaming, and Emily & Franz full of apologies for being complete and total LIARS.

There are moments when he'd stop and say, "We're getting married," or "You're my fiance," and the whole time I'm still struggling to comprehend the fact that he's HERE. I had some major catching up to do, in terms of accepting his presence and realizing that a huge diamond on my finger means I'm marrying the love of my life.

I'm sad to say I have no pictures of Lake Pleasant, but perhaps in my three weeks here I can get back up there to catch the scenes of the most spectacular surprise ever. I hate surprises, as all my friends and family know. But this...this was worth it, all the anxiety and nervousness, sweating and freaking out. He loves me, which I already knew, but he did all of this just because he loves me. That much. Wow.

I am overwhelmed and ecstatic.
My cup overflows, yet again.

Things that seem strange, yet wonderful.

Calling someone my fiance.

Realizing that I have to find a wedding dress.

Knowing with whom I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Wearing a diamond ring.

Officially creating my own family unit.

Changing my last name.

Loving someone this much, so much that it overwhelms me every single day.
(I know that is cheesy. I know. But it's true, so what's a girl to do?)

New phase #238, or Why June 10th, 2008 was the greatest day of my life, or How I discovered my sister is a Liar

Courtesy of Kyle Madison Wilson

all rights reserved

Summer plans

It's finally June, and my work days are nearing an end. I'm struggling to come to grips with the fact that I will not finish this project by Friday, my last day here. I was so ambitious, all certain that I would indeed complete this project and in the process be very impressive to those who knew what was going on.

Reality is, well it always was and will continue to be, that I am not impressive, I don't know what I'm doing, and I will not conquer this task before June 6th, a mere two days from now.

As disappointing as that is, I'm looking past the self-imposed deadline to the weekend, which I will once again spend in Indy doing fun things with fun people. Just around the corner, beginning Monday in fact, is my first adventure for the summer.

Trip #1 (or Adventure #1) entails traveling to Arizona, hanging out with the Formans for a week, being in charge of two small children for the following week, sharing that responsibility for yet another week, and then returning home.

Adventure #2 is on July 5th and is the first huge concert I've been to in years.

Adventure #3 begins July 9th and lasts nearly ten days, encompassing a road trip, a beach, the entire Edwards family, and my dear Sara W.

Adventure #4 comes after a short break in the traveling and excitement, a break that will include an eye exam, a teeth cleaning, etc. Regular maintenance. The 4th Adventure is a Dave Matthews concert, an exciting step for me.

Interestingly enough, the two musicians I'm seeing live this summer (John Mayer and Dave) did not impress me with their original work, years ago. I did not like either of them until at least their third albums. Maybe my tastes changed, or maybe I can only now appreciate stellar musicians when I see/hear them.

This week during the evenings, I'm packing a big suitcase and determining the various things I must do prior to leaving town for an extended period of time.

In the midst of that, I am reminded that my dear friends Liz & Chalupa will be moving far away while I'm gone. It's heartbreaking and I try not to think about it. Yet, as I'm in the middle of my last week in town, I can't help but think about their absence upon my return. Tonight we'll have our Last Supper, of sorts. I will miss them terribly.