Old photos

You know how it is, when you're home for Christmas or any holiday really, and you get bored and start going through old pictures.

Dad brought home four envelopes full of pictures he'd cleaned out of his desk recently - it had been years since the last cleaning.

There were some real gems, I must admit.

Like this one.

Let me explain. Mom made me this outfit. She always used to sew for me. And I'd wear the dresses and skirts and matching hair bows, scottie dog pins, and vests because I loved wearing dresses. (I'm totally not lying). This pioneer outfit was complete with pantaloons, dress, pinafore, and bonnet; I also had soft soled black shoes that I wore with it, because it made me feel closer to nature.
The lovely young ladies in this picture are Leslie (glasses and bolo tie) and Emily (teddy bear brooch). They're thrilled, as you can tell.

I have no idea what year this is, unfortunately. I know that I started wearing this pioneer outfit in second grade, when I did a oral report on Betsy Ross, the woman who made the first American flag. At least I was secure in who I was.

When boredom sets in, it's a dangerous thing in this household

Since we can't celebrate Christmas traditionally until tomorrow (the 26th) - with the presents and huge dinner and all - those of us here wanted to do something special for those who will be joining us.

Leslie had the great idea of a mocumentary, in the vein of Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show, and A Mighty Wind. I was hesitant at first, but the more we talked about it, finding a specific topic (our family vacations over the years) and costumes and props, the more I was ready to begin.

We borrowed Evan's video camera (without asking, since the surprise is for he and Em), and we began to film on Christmas Eve. It took all night.

We highlighted four peak family vacations, ending with the one that was the worst by far, which convinced us that our togetherness days were over.

Mom and Dad swear that no one outside our circle of trust can see this - it's blackmail material. I've never done anything this crazy in my life.

The scenes play back in my mind constantly - hilarious.

Little did I know, my father is natural-born actor. He played the deadpan role so well. Mom surprised us, too, with her character. Leslie is like Jimmy Fallon - she laughs when she shouldn't, but somehow it's funnier that way.

Merry Christmas, the Gottschalk way!

Favorite author of the moment

Lois Lowry.

Children's lit author for many decades.

Some of her books:

Number the Stars
The Giver
Gathering Blue
Messenger

I have recently read Number the Stars and Gathering Blue, which are very good. I'm in the middle of Messenger. I love young adult literature.

Maddie Moments

Maddie called my dad tonight. Here's a snippet of the conversation I heard.

"Can Jackson talk to you?" Dad says, "No, he can't honey. He's a cat!"

pause

"Well, I guess he could meow, but he can't really talk because he's just a cat."

Thirty seconds later, Maddie's ADD mind has moved on.

"I'm going to be sick for Christmas," she declared, after coughing into the phone.

1985 Birthday

For those of you who didn't know us (the Gottschalk kids) in the 80's, here's glimpse of what you missed.

My 3rd birthday.

And yes, it looks like the dish on the left has tater tots in it. The plate that we're all touching is our family birthday plate. It says "You Are Special" all around the edge. We still use it.

Friends & Fun

This past weekend I made a trek to Chicago to see some of my favorite people and to meet some new ones.

I can't express how glad I am that I could take the South Shore train rather than drive, and also that Joe's friend had a car up there and was willing to drive so we didn't freeze to death. It was very, very cold up there.

Elaine is such a great planner. She had all these fun things for us to do - perfect things for us in a big city. Cheap movie, free poetry slam in a really cool bar and free tickets into the Pompeii exhibit at the Field museum because of her connections to people in high places, thrift store shopping and used book browsing.

It was so relaxing for me, knowing that I was taken care of and that I wasn't in charge - thank you, Friend.

We also took a mid-day trip to Chinatown on Sunday, following a church service in one of the most beautiful churches (with great music and acousitics) that I've seen in the US, and they go there every week. Kind of jealous.

We had Dim Sum in Chinatown, an experience that will not soon be forgotten. We had mounds of food - oh, it was lovely.

Everyone should take a trip to Chicago a la Elaine & Joe. They know where to go. Thanks, guys. We'll be doing that again.

San Marco's Square, Venice

I came across a book in Walden Books yesterday that had a map of Venice in the front cover. I traced the paths that we walked, finding the random places we ended up.

Look, it's me in my signature jeans with my favorite coat in the world, Charlie.

Milk, toast, anyone?

Last week my boss said something I'd never heard before: the word "milquetoast."

In context, it went something like this:

"He's about as milquetoast as any librarian could ever be."


*Thanks to whomever it was who corrected my ignorance. Post your name next time, okay?

El Finito

Finally finished after 72 hours of chaos. My final project for this semester is completed - to my taste.

Something to be said for that.

And yet...

...why am I not satisfied? Why can I not relax?

Speaking of Ireland

Every night that I walk home from the bus stop, I go through an apartment complex that has a little woods/pond area in the middle. Very peaceful, also a bit creepy at night.

When I get to the part where I'm walking past the creepy woods, I'm always distracted by the smell of burning wood - the peaceful and warm hearth kind of fire smell.

Last night, the smell had a different variation. And I was instantly taken back to our little street in Greystones where the peat fires burned from late October far into the winter.

That familiar pleasant, yet disturbing scent of burning peat moss. It was sweet and rank at the same time, but you always wanted to smell more.

I talk in my sleep. This is a new phenomenon. Elaine, Cat, Joy...why did you people never tell me?

At 6 am this morning, Bertie heard me shout from the next room, "Roberta!" in a scolding tone.

I've never done this before.

Elaine, it reminds me of the demon noise that you thought was coming from me in our tiny little room at the Y in Greystones.

How comforting is it when you stop by a friend's apartment for the first time and find that everything is as it would be, had you lived there, down to the calendars and pictures on the walls.

It's like coming home to a new home. Incredible.

Conversation heard on the bus, Tues evening:

student 1 - Her family lives way far away from here.
student 2 - in indiana?
student 1 - yeah, but in the norther corners or something. really far.
student 2 - probably not on the chicago side.
student 1 - yeah, probably more on the new york side.

Now I don't claim to be a geography genius, but last time I checked, Indiana didn't have a New York side. In fact, at least two states (and Canada, depending on whether you go due East or Northeast) usually separate us from NY state.

Ask Bertie. She is from NY state, and I'm pretty sure it takes her over 7 hours to get home. I understand the desire to pass over Ohio and even Pennsylvania. They are terrors to drive through, such boring landscape and such wide states.

But Indiana does not have a New York side. Just wanted Dumb & Dumber to know that.

Oh, and having family within the state of Indiana does not qualify them for living really far away. Oregon is really far away, as is Maine (which is where one of my friends is from). But not within Indiana. Nope. Try again.

Tom Collins

Jesse L. Martin (he's the one in the middle) is my new favorite guy.

As Detective Ed Green on Law & Order (the original), he has proven to be a good actor. But that's all I knew about him until last night.

When he appeared as Tom Collins in RENT, I almost died. And through research I discovered he was cast in the original broadway production of RENT. He is the original Tom Collins. Amazing! His voice...I've been hearing his voice for years on the cd I had, and I never realized it.

Brilliant!

Go see RENT. Everyone. It speaks to the greater humanity in all of us.

An end to the confusion that is Wednesday night class

Instructor: "This is like metadata for dummies."

As if we all should know what she's talking about.

Erin mutters, "Thanks a lot."

Winter Journey

Two years ago on this very day, Elaine and I embarked on what would be the greatest adventure of my life.

We flew from Dublin to Heathrow, ran through the airport and barely made our flight to Rome. Took a shuttle from the airport to a random street in the middle of Rome and were turned loose by our bus driver who knew no English and was not helpful.

That's how it began.

Mid-week was the coldest day ever. We were in Venice, and we couldn't feel anything beyond the immediate core of our bodies. We stopped for some hot chocolate (with nasty rum) after getting lost in the narrow streets and finding treasures amidst the open markets. We were too cheap to buy food, so we froze and walked all day long.

I'll never forget that trip - the people we met - the creepy Roman waiter who gave us, first, a free dinner of bread and water, and the next night free lemon Pledge liqueur and sang Italian love songs to us - the awesome place we stayed in Venice - the creepy one in Rome - San Marcos Square - the Trevi Fountain - the Forum - the celestial voices of the mass taking place in the Pantheon when we arrived - St. Peter's Basilica and all of the dead, glass-encased popes - the new facets of my allergic reaction to peanut butter - the only food I'd brought with me to eat - red, swollen, itchy face, eyes, legs, arms. I could go on for days.

Venice decorated for Christmas.

I miss you, Friend, and our adventures - whether in Italy (no David in Florence?) or just to Helping Hands on Saturday mornings.

Here's to us! And our Italian adventure two years ago today!

Lunch conversation over the weekend

Mom: Maybe I can get some silicone shots up here [pointing to her exposed ribs and her clavical], to fill in between my ribs. But then again, it might create more problems...Yeah, we used to call her four eyes, now we call her...

Dad: Alright. That's enough! Never thought I'd have to say that to you two.

I was, meanwhile, choking on my sandwich.

Saturdays that matter

Rarely do I have a Saturday that means anything.

I usually sleep in, do homework, and don't leave the house.

Even though I didn't feel like doing much today, it was a busy day.

This morning was the annual Dick Gottschalk Memorial 5k Run/Walk in Rochester. I love participating in this every year - not just because I get to see my amazing cousin, Allie, and her brother Zac - but also because I am giving money to the Cancer Society so they can research to help save people like my uncle Dick, who died 15 years ago of brain cancer. I don't ever do much that makes a lasting difference, but this means so much to me, and it's helping such a great cause, even if it is just fifteen bucks.

While I was walking the race - which was disappointing because I love to run it, but I've been dealing with cyatica for a month and haven't been able to train - I was able to converse with the Judge in town, who happens to also be a great friend of my dad's and my roommate's father. We had a lovely time.

After the race, I went to an old friend's house. Her baby is 7 months old now, and standing up and chewing on everything (even my scarf - sorry Emma). I love reconnecting with them every so often. It's comforting to know old friends do remain, sometimes anyway.

Then, before making it home, I hit up another old friend's house. His puppy - a pit bull - is precious and a bit cantankerous. He's such a good friend, so close to my heart, that I am delighted every time I get to hang out with him.

All of this was relaxing and helped to calm me down from my annoyed self of the past few days. And after a steamy shower, finishing up some laundry, and a favorite childhood movie, I feel ready to end my semester on an up-swing.

Thanks, friends - old and new.

Advice

I'd like some advice.

It's no news to anyone who knows me that I'm a selfish person. Really. Partly, it goes with my personality - as you can learn from reading the Enneagram books - but mostly, I think, it's a personal problem that I need to deal with.

Every year, I think I take positive steps toward getting away from the Lana who was so self-absorbed that she made me sick. But I'm far from ridding myself of her.

Ask any of my friends, they will agree.

I don't think that I ask their opinions on how I can change this. So, Friends, what do you think? Any ideas?

Tips on How to Be a Good Friend are welcome. Tips on How to Be Friendly and not Scary, are also welcome.

My boss told me this past week that of all the students hired this term, I'm the scariest. He went on to say that no one knows where I'm coming from - they don't know what I'm thinking and can't guess what I'm going to say.

Friends, am I that scary? What can I do to be more approachable.

I'm serious, I'd like to hear suggestions.

I miss you, my dear friends. Can't wait to hear from you.

Wedding Pictures

Long awaited, much anticipated - pictures from the wedding.

Yes, there was dancing and ol' Ev did a great job. I steered clear of the dance floor, but Maddie ended the evening as the Dancing Queen - she had moves that no Gottschalk has ever seen before.

Sistas, Sistas... We had our hair done professionally, which was a first for me, and Leslie and Emily showed up not only with the same outfit for dress rehearsal but also with the same hair cut. We all look the same now, well I don't have the hairdo, you can definitely tell we're sisters.

This is the rehearsal here. Maddie was out of control all weekend, simply overwhelmed with the fun and excitement of it all, combined with a pretty bad cold.

Here's the whole wedding party. It's not the greatest picture, but you can see how many of us there were, and maybe you can tell that the church was gorgeous, minus the harvest that's going on in at the bottom of the stairs. They wouldn't let us take it down for the ceremony, which is a bit tacky, in my opinion. Maddie is absent here because she was so sick and had a nervous breakdown that had been going on all day - though she sucked it up long enough to walk down the aisle. She was removed from the premises about ten minutes before the whole shebang was over. Bless her heart. Okay, here's one more picture of her as she was walking down the aisle with Ethan, the ringbearer. She had her eyes shut or was staring at the floor the entire length of the very long aisle.

All in all, it was fantastic. Nothing went wrong during the ceremony and the reception was the best celebration ever - just like Ev wanted it to be. Everyone had fun in the strange collection of people that was there. I don't think it could have gone better.

If you want better quality pictures, or more of them, email me. I can send them to you.

There was a wedding.

And it was beautiful.

The church, the music, the bride, the party - perfect.

I'm so tired. I've partied hard and I've won.

Why, you ask? I didn't get married.

No, but my brother did. And I got not only a new sister, but a new family.

And I was able to see old friends and most of my relatives, and Maddie and Katie.

And I'm not going back to school this week.

Like Liz mused this past week, am I happy or sad? I'm content with this mix of emotions. Life is good.

(picture will follow after parents download their pics)

This may annoy you - all of my posts jumbled together

Someone recently told me that i talk with my hands too much.

so i've been watching

and i do

i don't ever remember having this problem before. what's wrong with me now?

then again, i never spoke before - i was quiet. didn't talk to people.

perhaps I've always done this.

wonder what my imaginary friends thought when I was little and talked with my hands to them.
_______________

I sleep like a rock.

this is awesome.
______________

Not to be superficial, but I figured out what bothers me about AnnaLucia on LOST. It's her teeth. They're too perfect and too white for living for 48 days on a beach without brushing your teeth. They'd be gungy and gross.

And they look fake - too straight, too...I don't know.
But i like her more, after this week's "extended" episode - since when is extended 4 minutes. That's crap. I thought it was 2 hours or something.
_____________________________

The guy sitting next to me eats something every Thursday morning. The sound of eating.

ew.

You know the one I mean. The dog licking himself. The swallowing, tongue-ish noise that proceeds from the mouth when eating.

I hate that sound.

Issues

The problem with living in Tornado Alley is simply that - tornadoes. Everybody hates them. They're scary, and not because they are hollow swirling tunnels of air coupled with thunder, lightning, and epic winds.

No, tornadoes are so terrifying because they are here before you know it, they completely destory your lives, and they're gone before you can even shake your fist at the sky.

We survived two of them today - Bird and I cowered in the basement stairwell, the only safe place in our very much windowed and widely open-spaced house, while Katie braved the storm in her Mitsubishi (don't do that again, Friend. Come on).

Sometimes I try to think of what I'd do in response to a complete destruction of my life by natural forces.

And I think I'd quit school and seriously consider a hermitage. Why not. If all my material possessions were taken from me, nothing would be stopping me. A simple life simplified.

Kind of sad, if that's all that's keeping me away from a life of hermitude.

Comfort

Something about reuniting with old friends, being able to hug them, smell them.

Something about random simulataneous comments like "Buck up" and "hyphen...hyphen...no, wait, Dash!"

Something about feeling at home in a strange place simply because of the people you are with.

About crying tears of joy when you see someone, confident of their joy, too.

Seeing you, all of you, was the biggest blessing.

I didn't even know how much I was lacking, how lonesome I truly was.

Three cheers for us! And random TU reunions.

And who is this beautiful baby? How can they both be so big?

Roller Derby, anyone?

Why is she so darn cute?

Three Shouts

Because I get to see Elaine and Cat this weekend!

WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!

Could I be more excited?

It's documented

Everyone who has visited this site in the past month knows about my sleeping problems.

No one knows the cause, and that's troubling.

However, I'm grateful to my mom's friend, Patty, who has started selling this energy goo that has brought new life to me...I think.

Even though it hasn't done all that they promised it could do, I sleep through the night most of the time, and I have more energy during the day than I've had ever, in my life. I honestly feel like I can focus more.

This is crazy. It's Energy Goo.

Ok, so that's not the real term. But you already knew that.

It's actually called Ageless Xtra which Yes, does sound hoaxy.

But everyone who knows me, knows that my body is like a 60 year old woman's, falling apart here and there a little more every year. And I feel better. And I have energy. That's gotta mean something.

If you're interested, I can hook you up with a sales rep, Patty.

More of my testimonial to come, as I continue on this journey down the Ageless Road.

But if you want the truth...

Yesterday, my boss discovered that I hate some words. He threw out a word that I hate and many people are fine with, and when I crumpled on the floor, rocking back and forth like an autistic child (is anyone surprised with that?), that's when he apologized.

But shortly thereafter, he started "testing" words - saying one and waiting for the same great response. He didn't hit any others, but I warned him that if he kept on playing that game I was not above walking out of the office and never coming back. No one doubted that, for some reason.

Even though they know so little about me, they can tell when I'm dead serious.

Today at work, I'm not sure how we got on the subject, but all of the sudden my friend and co-worker states that she thinks so-and-so's problem is that he/she doesn't get enough sex. Though I was trying to write an email to a student, I couldn't help but hear that, and laugh.

What else can you do?!

Another person in the office disagreed that said person didn't get enough - but did my co-worker mean frequency or number of partners.

I was in shock. Where are we again?

Topics in my office range from pets, family issues, road rules, LOST, movies, people, etc. The list could go on forever. But I wasn't prepared for this one.

Then, my dear friend says, "Actually, I think it's Lana who isn't getting enough sex." And the person with whom my co-worker was talking said, "Now that I'd believe."

Did I ask for my sex-assessment today? Wasn't aware I'd be facing that when I got up this morning, or maybe I wouldn't have left the house.

Oh Place that I work...You are so crazy!

I suck at blogging

I can't even come up with things to say anymore.

Sorry to whoever looks at this.

You probably shouldn't waste your time here.

Use the "Next Blog" button to move on.

New Besties!

I feel that Christina and I have a new common link, which is Insomnia.

It has recently decided to show me it's full force, and I wonder how it can go on.

The best story took place on a dark, cold night in the middle of a wind-swept rural city.

I stayed at a friend's house pretty late for me - 1 am - and crawled exhausted into bed about thirty minutes later, ready for some brilliant sleep which I've been lacking for at least a week.

At 5:30, instead of the usual 3:30, I awoke to the insatiable itching (seriously, what is this?) and I had to get out of my bed. I was hot, too, as if I'm picking up on my mom's hot flashes or something.

I stumbled my way down to the couch in the family room - it's pitch black in there and has an air machine that I thought could help me sleep; I love the white noise. Just before I collapsed on the couch, I noticed the blanket, which has a few white spots, appeared to be strewn on the couch, not folded, where I knew it been before we all went to bed.

As my misty mind processed the out-of-place blanket, a groggy voice said, "What?! Did you come down to sleep here?"

It was my mom.

"Yeah," I answered, "but I'll go somewhere else."

"No, you can lay here, I should probably shift positions anyway. What time is it."

"6:10"

"I have to get up in thirty minutes, anyway."

But I walked out of the room, found another couch, unplugged all the Christmas candles in the windows and shut the blinds to block out our the blinding streetlight.

Five minutes passed before Mom walked through on her way upstairs.

Twenty minutes later I heard her alarm go off.

Shortly after that, I heard Jackson - my huge black and white cat - calling to anyone in the house with long, distressed cries from the garage. The horrible windstorm outside had him in a panic. I brought him in for a while but he couldn't sit still. He paced along the back of the couch (this time in the basement - another couch), sniffed the edge of the door, cried to go outside, and paced on the blanket I had wrapped around me. When I let him out into the tornado outside, he stood there for a few seconds and wanted right back in.

I got him to calm down before I had to turn him back out into the garage. And I slept after that, overslept my alarm, that is.

What is wrong with me?

In the sky

It's been so long I had forgotten what it looked like. But tonight, as I was trekking the two miles home from school, I once again saw my soul in the sky.

I miss the sunsets. Elaine and I used to experience almost every single one together as we'd walk to the DC across campus. More than any other college experience, that's what I miss. The beauty was overwhelming. Once we'd discovered that everyone's soul displays itself at some point in the sunset or sunrise, we'd often see mine as we walked to dinner and Elaine's on our way home. It's the rich colors - they call to you, and that's how you know which color is yours - it pulls the deepest.

I've been sad this semester, knowing that I miss the sunsets - a time that had been so sacred. I'm either holed up in my basement or in the library, and the colors change from day blue to night blue before I know it.

Liz mentioned the other day that brilliant music renews her faith in God, and I wholeheartedly agree. She'll go in with me on this, too, that Nature, whether sunsets, Autumn colors, the desert at sunrise, or the ocean in the early morning, these moments of absolute glory renew my faith in God. They speak to a part of our souls that does not communicate in words - only colors.

I only wish my friends could have been here with me to experience this magnificence once again.

Retribution

12 hours of sleep.

That's what I got last night.

I feel like a million bucks, or I did at 11:15 this morning when I woke up.

Then, running outside on this perfect Fall day.

It was a perfect way to take back my sleepless nights.

No worries. I'm well again, now.

The Sleep Eater

If I didn't know any better, I'd say my Sleep Eater was peanut butter.

But it's not.

I haven't had peanut butter in a month, I think, so that can't be why my legs are itching.

I even showered and put on lotion (which I despise) before I went to bed - so I'm not dirty or alligator-skinned.

It's the third night in a row that I've awakened around 3 or 4 am, almost wide awake. Before tonight, I was able to go back to sleep after thirty minutes or so of flipping and flopping around in bed.

Today, however, it's five til seven and I've been awake since 3:30 am. I'm starving but almost feel nauseated.

I was able to do a lot of work on my online resume, though, which is nice and means I'll have less work to do this coming week. Brilliant!

Now for sleep...

I need my eyes checked

This morning I was reading a small section of a pretty cheesy Christian daily inspirational thing. Sometimes you can find gems amidst the cheese.

The text was talking about the vision God has placed in your heart and that you shouldn't abandon it simply because you can't see how to get from here to there.

Then it said, "Whether it's leading in the bedroom, starting your own business..." I stopped and said, "What? The bedroom?" I thought this was a bit more conservative than that.

Upon re-reading, it said, "Whether it's leading in the boardroom..."

15-year old face

I was asked yesterday by a very cute old man in a perfect old-man hat who was walking his tiny, rat-like dog, if I was in high school.

The dog, on a side note, peed on the grass by tucking his tiny butt underneath himself, and pulling his lower legs off the ground - it was an Olympic gymnastics move - truly astounding.

When I said to the gentleman, "No, actually I'm in graduate school," he paused and asked what I was going to be.

"A Librarian," I said, smiling.

He nodded his head pronouncedly saying, "There's nothing wrong with that." And after a moment of silence added, "It'll make you smart."

There you have it. That's why I'm in library school - because it'll make me smart.

Lost in my dreams

Perhaps it was because I didn't watch Lost last night.

Or the fact that I still have to wait two weeks for the new episode when someone dies.

But last night, the cast of Lost showed up in my dreams.

I thought upon first reflection that I had been a part of the show on the island. But that isn't true. We were in a bungalow-ish hotel, only we were secretly all sharing one room. We couldn't leave, we had no contact with the outside world, and no one was to know we were there. There was a cupboard, with a key that only Jack had, through which we got our daily food rations. So I guess the producers and a food lady knew about us. But that was it.

In the particular scene of which I was a part, I was friends with Jack, Lock, Kate, and some other people who probably aren't actually on the show, but they were in my dream. The producers of the show were trying to introduce new characters by throwing random people from the street or from auditions into the room with us. It was a small one room bungalow. And the people who were thrown in, didn't even last the night. They were removed the next morning - despite our efforts to encourage them to stay. When the newbies left, we were distraught because some of the actual hotel guests from the outside had seen us, all piled on top of one another in this small room. And one man had this knowing look; we could tell he despised us.

It was so strange, but so vivid. One of the ladies had peeling maroon finger-nail polish. That's how detailed it was.

Last week in review

For the best recounting of the Matt Nathanson show on Monday night, you must read Liz's blog. This is why I love having writers for friends - they make everything so vivid and real.

In other news, I'm learning html and I think I'm really going to enjoy it. I'm creating an online resume and next week it'll be something else, but it's fun to know what the techies know. Or at least a tiny portion of what they know.

I now have the coolest bookends ever. For graduation last May, Leslie got me bookends of the Parthenon. They are heavy wrought iron and absolutely beautiful. Tracy recently sent me a package - which is so nice - that included these old-looking bookends: one side has 4 increasingly taller green books with gold accents and the other has two small books (one red, one green) standing on top of a larger brown one, which is laying down, and another tiny yellow one is propped up diagonally. I wish I could draw a picture, or take a picture, but I don't have a digital camera. Anyway, these wood bookends are awesome and will someday be the perfect thing for my bookshelves (Beauty & the Beast library style). Both of these bookends are from a consignment shop near Concord. I really need to go to this store.

Cheers!

Here's to Nickel Creek, best bluegrass band I've seen or heard. To great live performances at amazing venues, to Long Islands when you need them, and the smell of pot when you don't need it.

Here's the Year of the Music! May this year beat out the Year of the P**l's.

Thanks, Katie, for getting us the tickets and making it possible to experience such transcendant brilliance.

Recently,

I've become painfully conscious of how much I use dashes, italics, and exclamation points.

Please tell me when it gets annoying. I don't want to let it reach the point where my friends roll their eyes at my emails and letters. Where I should be embarrassed but am not quite quick enough to catch on.

Dear friends, let me know.

Facts of Life

Sometimes, there is nothing more satisfying than a great big bowl of Grape-Nuts with honey.

Wow.

I'm set for days.

What we do in secret

We're not supposed to talk about what we do in secret.

But this is funny.

I was home alone last night and I was hungry. So I made pancakes. In heels. And jeans. And a thrift store t-shirt.

The heels are fuschia and 4 inches tall.

If only you were here.

For those of you who don't check out the GOFR

Look at her! Her hair...her grown-upness.
No wonder she sounds like an adult on the phone.

To the three of you

I discovered tonight in some random musings that the only people who have broken my heart are the ones whose hearts I broke first.

Talk about reciprocation.

And so, to the three of you, I'm sorry. Even now. So many years later. I still hurt. And I'm still sorry.

I'm actually registered as a lethal weapon!

Watch out!

The Ides of October - not quite so ominous as March

Never knew I loved the month of October so much.

But I do.

This is my new favorite picture of Maddie. She's practicing being a flower girl. How cute? I always say that. And it's always true.

She called today to mention she had some bad milk this morning that made her want to throw up, but she didn't, thank goodness.

Katie, at 5 months, has rolled over for the first time and has picked up her older sister's habit of coughing for attention. It's not a hearty cough, it's a pathetic look-at-me-I'm-so-neglected kind of cough. Maddie definitely did that when she was a baby, too. Do all babies do this?

Once upon a time

Once upon a time...

I didn't know about SLIS or ella or ssh or UNIX or much of anything about computers, and especially not about grep.

Thanks to SLIS and L401, however, I have a basic understanding of these interesting but most likely useless terms.

Ah, life! Learning piles of mostly useless information.

Thanks to my good friend Liz, I got a new job.

Not the job I applied for and had an interview for last week. Nope, not that one.

A much better one.

You rock, Friend. You rock!

Matt Nathanson, here we come!

Explanation needed

My new profile picture is me (obviously) in front of a map.

Maps are one of my most favorite things in the world. They allow you to dream simply by glancing at them.

And I love traveling, so naturally, maps inspire me.

My mom gave me two maps for my birthday - a world map and a US map. I hung one up in the basement near my work station. It's laminated, so I can write on it with dry-erase markers. I chose to outline my major road trips and the major cities I've visited. I'm pleased to announce that because of this past year's trip to Boston, I've made it to all coasts - Atlantic (Boston, NC, and FL), Gulf of Mexico (FL), and Pacific (San Diego). I really need to travel more in the Western part of the US. But living in Arizona will make that a lot easier.

When Maddie called last week, she asked me when I was moving out.
14 months, I told her.
"I'm counting down the days, too," she said.

I needed a new profile picture

and it's October - the month of Halloween.

One thing that really disturbs me is the lack of appreciation of this month for what it is. People overlook the changing of the seasons - the amazing natural beauty this time of year - in their anticipation of what...a ghoulish holiday? It's strange to me.

Why would one choose to celebrate vampires, witches, and monsters instead of Fall with perfect outdoor sports weather and crisp breezes, leaves falling from the sky at any given moment and swirling in the streets. It's beautiful. Vampire costumes with blood dripping from teeth are conversely not beautiful, not even appealing.

Anyway, that's my rant.

I love Fall, as I've said before. And this year, I've discovered a love for October. Must be living in Bloomington.

For Mary...

Mary, this one is for you, so you'd better appreciate it. I'm throwing myself out on a limb here, remember. Don't show this to anyone...

And what's this I here about you not liking Vin Diesel. Come on!

Nothing is cuter than my nieces. It's a fact. No one can deny it.

Maddie has been calling me a lot recently, and nothing pleases me more or can make my day like the sound of her little voice on the other end, "Hi, Lana! Hi! It's Madeline. What're you doin'?"

She was making jokes yesterday and today she was acting as the mediator between her mother and I - telling me what Emily wanted to say to me, and then telling her mom my response and asking questions for me. It was awesome. And she's very good at enunciating.

She actually perfectly pronounced the name of a complex eastern European country yesterday, one of the 'stans'. I was so impressed I was speechless.

This is in honor of Maddie, for being my greatest joy and a constant light in my life.a

Just for fun

For kicks last year I dressed up goth with some friends. It was an incredible experience, especially at our very conservative university. We hung out in the very small student union just to see others' reactions. And it was definitely worth it.

I never thought I could pull off this look, but really our little shindig changed my mind. I could have passed as a legit goth-chick in high school. Too bad I didn't know that until I was 22.

This picture includes my friend Elaine. Aren't we sweet?

Home Sweet Home

My roommate showed me a short cut through the neighboring apartment complex. There are lots of small isolated woods around here, and this apartment complex has a few. Or maybe just this one.

This one has a pond that can't be more than 50 yds across (probably much smaller - I have no idea how to gauge size or circumference), and it resembles in every way the part of Lake Manitou that I've called home for the past 20 years.

The water is green - stagnant looking - covered in duck week. This pond looks like it's dying.

The only difference perhaps is the lack of crappie rolling around in the green nast.

On sunny days, I love walking on the path that leads past this little sanctuary. The turtles come out to sun-bathe on these days. There are 2 spots in the pond that are elevated enough for them to get warmed by the sun. One is right by the path - it's a cement block or something. The other is a stick situated at an angle rising out of the water that is a ways away from the path I walk on.

Yesterday there were 4 painter turtles all piled on top of each other on the cement block. There are 2 huge ones - I'd say the size of serving dishes - bigger painters than I've ever seen in Lake Manitou. They must be 25 years old or something. The smaller turtles would prop themselves up on the shells of the large ones so they could all fit on the block.

But they are not tame, like my squirrel friend from last week. As soon as I paused to watch them, a little guy spotted me and ducked into the murky green water, followed with larger splashes as the others followed suit.

My little piece of heaven - mini Lake Manitou.

Nature

I love Nature.

I love Fall.

I love this campus in the Fall.

I was walking through the woods behind Swain and the Law School last week, and on the brick path was a squirrel, stretched completely out - even to the point of his tiny back toes stretched as far back as they could possibly go. He had just begun to chew on a black walnut, and he was not interested in moving. I walked within 8 inches of him, and he stayed put, chomping away on the tough outer casing of that huge nut.

He watched me out of the corner of his eye, all the while chomping.

I was amazed at his tameness. He was on the ground - splayed out on some bricks - eating his afternoon snack.

I wanted to take him home.

Anyone have a pet squirrel for sale? I've always wanted one. That and a raccoon. Best offer?

I've seen several disturbing things this week.

It started on Tuesday - after a great day in class and at work, I was waiting for the bus. I heard screeching tires and look over at an intersection that is no more than 50 yards away. A college-aged guy and girl jump out of this huge Ford truck and run to the front of his truck. A woman comes running up the street from the other direction and disappears behind a bush which is blocking my view from whatever it is that appears to be lying on the ground in front of the truck.

I have reason to believe it was a person. I've never witnessed (or almost witnessed) such a horrific event. The guy who'd be driving looked like he was going to throw up, he kept taking off his hat and running his fingers through his hair. He was doubled over, like he was going to lose it - I really think he was crying. The girl with him kept putting her arm around him when he'd cover his face.

Then the police started coming - car after car - and 2 ambulances and a fire truck. It was awful. That's why I suspect it was a person. I was there for 15 minutes watching the scene until I just took off on foot for home. I couldn't wait for a bus - traffic was diverted and no bus would be coming.

I've been scanning headlines for a report of this, but have seen nothing. I just want to know if the person hit is okay.

So that was disturbing.

Then yesterday, I took a different bus than usual, the one that elderly and handicapped people from the home by BSHS are more likely to ride. There was an old woman sitting near the driver - talking loudly about some sort of political something-er-other that was on the night before. "He doesn't know what the hell he's doing. Heh heh." She stopped jabbering when the busdriver got up to secure a handicapped boy's wheelchair. And when this woman ceased talking, she began popping her lower teeth out and in, out and in - like middle school kids do with their retainers when they forget how disgusting that is. Subconscious - out and in - with the sucking in between. Oh gosh. It was sick. I couldn't stop staring.

My life is really never that boring. There are always things like this going.

I just keep going out...

Last night counted the 3rd Friday night in a row that I've gone out. Not in the traditional state school meaning of the phrase "going out", but in a sense that I've never experienced before.

And this weekend, it wasn't with library students, which to me is a plus.

It's called the Lotus Fest, an annual music and arts festival in Bloomington. And it rocks.

I wasn't sure about it - "world music", Bertie told me. But what does that really mean? Let me tell you:

Brazilian acoustic, Balkan Beatbox (electronic/world fusion), Creole Cowboys, Nordic folk, swedish folk/rock, Uruguayan folk, contemporary Greek, "hot" bluegrass, Agro-pop from Niger, contemporary Spanish flamenco, French Gypsy jazz, Perto Rican plena, virtuoso Hawaiian ukelele, Black Sufis of Gujuarat, Celtic traditional, Mexican fold music, Palestinian oud, and Canadian fold-pop.

This is not a comprehensive list. And we didn't get to see all of them last night, but we saw several in the 5 hours that we wandered around downtown Bloomington. Can I just say this was one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

My roommates and I each got at least one cd of the groups we saw - and one by one fell in love with various musicians.

Next year, please come with me! All of you.

You can check out their website at: www.lotusfest.org

Now I can understand one reason why people love this city so much. I'm not sure how Indiana was able to conjure up this much culture, but it DID. And for that, there are no words.

By the way, the Hot Bluegrass and the Celtic traditional were my favorites, although the Balkan Beatbox was the most unique and exciting show. Nordic folk was high on the list, as well.

It's true, I want to know.

There is this song that I've loved for years and I have no idea what it's called or who sings it.

but I have been wondering this...

Where did you go, my lovely? I want to know. Where did you go?

If any one has any suggestions where this came from, or if I'm misquoting - or if you know the answer to my question - please reply.

Vanilla Stalkers

This week is great so far.

I've completed my horrible computer class assignments for the week - amazing!

Kate and I watched Gilmore Girls tonight - I don't know how I could have been so attached to American Idol so as to neglect my love of G.G.

I have one vanilla and one rose candle burning on my desk, beside my favorite birthday touch lamp (which is not-so-touchy anymore).

And I spent last night with my roommates watching Mona Lisa Smile and talking for hours about funny things.

Not only is she "everybody's favorite person to sleep with," but she knows that because, she was "on track to be a slut" in the fourth grade. Oh dear! You are so entertaining!

Thanks for quotable quotes!

What the HELL is this?

I don't know what my roommates are drinking.

I had 1 8 oz. cup of coffee this afternoon and I'm so freaking WIRED that I can't control myself. I can now type 300 words per minute and my heart is officially racing off the charts.

It's amazing and scary.

I feel like they buy super duper caffeinated coffee beans, and I don't know how they are still alive. Driving to class I almost killed myself several times because I was looking every direction at once. I had to move, so I was tapping ALL of my fingers on the steering wheel - which surprisingly reduces the ability to react quickly.

I'm also sweating 20% or 45% more than before. I hate the coffee makes me sweat. That's gross. But I also feel like I could 10 miles and be fine. Even if my joints hurt, I don't think I could feel them at this point.

Off to class...hope I can concentrate enough to contribute to conversation - although, I'm terrified of what I might actually say. Yikes!

Similarities

I don't know what I was expecting, really, except an entirely different demographic.

But what I've found at IU, in comparison to my Taylor years, is that there are way too many similarities, when it comes down to it.

Taylor is known for its beautiful people. Its intimidatingly gorgeous, rich student body is well known throughout the small liberal arts Christian college realm and perhaps beyond.

What I wasn't prepared for here in Bloomington is an equal, if not greater, ratio of incredibly beautiful people, who are equally as wealthy.

The car models are new and newer. The clothes and shoes and aviator sunglasses are just as posh. The hair is dyed and streaked just as many times. And the bling is equally as obvious.

Sometimes I just feel like this is Taylor expanded 100 fold.

Then I hear the stories kids tell on the bus about their weekends, or I choke through the back doors of the library where everyone and their mother takes their cigarette break, or I feel intimidated ever so slightly to mention that I go to church, don't drink very often, or happen to love God very much.

That's when I remember that I was blessed with Taylor, that I'm blessed to be far from it, and that I'm blessed to be here among this chaos which is truer to life than anything I've previously experienced.

Taylor and IU - similiar - who knew?

Finding Myself

Bertie, my housemate, came downstairs with a book she wanted to share on Saturday night. It's called: The Enneagram: A Christian Perspective. And before anyone rejoices or gets bent out of shape because it says "Christian" - just hold on. It's awesome.

We found out (by Bertie reading it out loud to me) that I am a #5, with severe bits of #1 - a combo which is not actually possible on the Enneagram. But it's true. When she was reading things from the section on #5: The Need to Perceive, I kept saying, "Yes, that's ME!" It's was enlightening and freeing, to know I'm not the only one like me (although - I've been finding that out here in Library School - we're all very very much alike).

I wanted to include some of the greatest lines from the section about me. These writers know how to use language, just you wait:

"They sense in themselves an abyss of emptiness."

"Their inner world is the only free space in which they could [as children] move undisturbed."

"A lack of security and the feeling of homelessness and loneliness can lead to Fives' creeping inside themselves like an animal that plays dead when danger approaches." (Wow! I'd never have been able to put those words with that feeling, but now that you mention it...just kidding, I think. Emphasis is mine.)

"By nature they are monks, hermits, ascetics [professions I've always dreamed about - honestly - since childhood I've been overly intrigued with monks and ascetics], bookworms, LIBRARIANS..." (Seems that I've picked the right profession, huh?)

"Their eyes are like vacuum cleaners."

"Most Fives find too many people and too much closeness fatiguing and exhausting." (AMEN! I really thought that was just me! I'm glad it's not.)

Elaine, this one is for you: "Fives can take on schizoid traits; they can develop forms of autism..." (Guess Mom was right.)

And for all my dear friends who know me, this is the ultimate reason why I am a Five:
"When you touch a Five, [she] generally gives a start or jumps back."

If you want to know more about me, my pitfalls and my strong points, or anything about yourself, read this book:
The Enneagram: The Christian Perspective Richard Rohr and Andreas Ebert. New York: Crossroad Publishing, 2002.

You simply must check out my adorable niece on her first day of dance class.

Is anything cuter than tiny dancers?

Night on the Town

Today I had my first mixer. And it just happened to be with a bunch of librarian-wannabes.

Surprisingly fun, I'll have to admit. The girl I sat next to shared my birthday. Another was a self-titled "self-deprecating Jew," and I thought of Elaine (merely for the Jewishness, however). Two others were a nontraditional couple - a new phenomenon for me to encounter. Another didn't shave her armpits and was wearing a tanktop. Most of them had just moved from the East coast (Maine, Maryland, Pennsylvania, DC) and one was from the Oregon coast. They kept flashing eastside/westside gang signs around and I felt a bit out of place considering I was severely outnumbered, being from the Midwest.

No one could understand the appeal to living here. We don't have good snowboarding mountains or oceans.

No, I assured them. We have farms, fields, and lots of oligotrophic lakes. We have roads that don't make sense and lots of flat land. Skiers and snowboarders won't like it here.

They talked about Lake Tahoe for a long time. I don't even know where that is. But thanks to my birthday maps, I can find out later tonight!

I had diet coke, while others had beer. I just can't bring myself to take this step to "lighten up," as some call it. But among strangers...why? I'd rather drink among friends for my safe, happy times. With strangers, it's not worth it. Not worth the cost, the ease with which I communicate, or the time. Maybe I won't talk to these again; maybe I will. If we become friends, I might consider having a social drink with them now and then. Maybe. Though I rarely feel like it. The appeal has continued dwindling over the past year.

I had lunch today with an old, old friend - an elementary, middle, and high school close friend. Hadn't seen her since high school graduation, really. It was fabulous. She hasn't changed, which I found comforting today.

The final first that occurred today was locking myself out of the house. At the most inopportune time - meaning when above friend was dropping ne off after lunch. She then had to take me to the library on campus so I could use the internet to locate my housemates, get a ride home and a way into the house.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I've been celebrating my birthday for the past month. But this past weekend it finally came and went, with a lot of fanfare. I celebrated it Friday and Monday. But that's alright by me.

I shouldn't pick favorites, but I have to admit that my favorite presents were the ginormous maps - one of the US and one of the World - given to me by my mother. (When my dad saw them in his room, waiting to be wrapped, he said, "who are those for?" with an air of disgust). I cannot wait to get those babies up on the wall.

Also of note is the 1970s collection of music from Time Life, meaning about 10 cds of great hits. Way to go Evan and Emily and Leslie!

I had to include this picture because, frankly, it's the best birthday cake my mom has ever done for me. She's a pro at the designing and decorating of birthday cakes - and this one, man, she won! It says, "Happy Birthday, Lana! our professional bookworm"

Random Medicinal Procedures

My roommate, Bertie, found a bottle of natural-looking herbal capsules sitting on the counter last week. They were left over from the natural medicinal cabinet of the roommate who moved out. The bottle says, "SUPER COLON CLEANSE" and promises to clean you out.

She began the process last night. At which time, Katie declared that this is much like cocaine for the colon. She dubbed this medicine "Colon Blow".

It's horrible to picture. It's even more horrible to smell (the actual capsules, sorry).

Bertie has reported "changes" today, after 4 doses.

Do not exceed 3 days worth of doses.

Let's talk School

I'll clue you in quickly: I hate school.

High school was an especially awful time, college wasn't much better for the first two years. Then I began talking to people and made some friends, which allowed me to finish out on a positive note.

But being a student is not my favorite thing.

One might question this, knowing that I am now enrolled in graduate school - but I assure you, it is no different.

What I hate about it is the separate reality that college campuses impose on you, which is nowhere near real life situations.

I have finished my first week of classes and I'm excited, which seems to contradict my previous statements about hating school. What I have learned this week is that I hated school before.

Now, however, I'm taking classes that apply to my life - to my vocation - and this makes everything more relevant, more purposeful. There is no more Fit For Life crap classes or public speaking courses. It's full blown library and information courses.

I'd like to introduce you to the two courses that will change my life forever:
L505 The Organization and Representation of Knowledge and Information. It caters to OCD persons such as myself. Final project: figure out a way to classify and index a journal of class commentaries, article abstracts and summaries that we're keeping this semester. That I can do.
L524 Information Sources and Services. This caters to my love of reference sources by introducing us to nearly all the reference materials that we will interact with on a frequent basis as professionals. Final project: create a Pathfinder, which acts as a preliminary guide to outside users to help them understand any topic that I choose. Senior paper? I'll choose you. Feminism and Carol Gilligan. Piece of Cake!

And, while I don't love school - the schooly part of it - these classes rock my boat. So does my house, my roommates, and public transportation in the U.S.

The Birthday Bash in AZ a few weeks ago. Emily put 26 candles on the cake - 3 for Maddie, 23 for me. There was so much heat, I thought our faces would be singed. But it was fun.

Today was a Remarkable Day

I'm not usually into using the work 'remarkable.' I think it's pretty lame. But let me tell you why my day has been (so far) remarkable.

3 am - wide awake with an attack of the itchies
4:30 am - still awake, decide to shower to pass the time and wash away the itchiness
5:15 am - lay down, start praying for everyone I can imagine
7:30 am - alarm goes off, I turn it off thinking to myself, "I already took a shower today, I can lay here for 5 more minutes."
8:22 am - sit up in bed, look at my alarm clock, and start to panic. Reason for panic is that I'm supposed to be at the bus stop in 7 minutes, and it is at least 7 minutes from our house
9:30 am - computer class with an instructor who is, let's face it, a T.A. who doesn't want to be there. I believe this proceeded from his mouth, "I'm really not a morning person, so this is not that great." Thanks for sharing. Remind me to put that in the subject line of my late assignment - I'm not exactly a morning person, so I knew you'd understand and let this slide.
1:07 pm - swim to the bus stop on campus, soaked jeans up to my knees, soaked notes and important papers in my bag, also wearing a white t-shirt with a scary Native American face on it (Go Missessinewa!) that continues to transform into transparency as I miss the 1:05 pm bus and have to wait for 20 more minutes in the torrential downpour.
1:34 pm - bus driver declares over the crackling speaker that we have to "stop at the bus station to GET ANOTHER BUS," but not to worry because we'll be on our way "as soon as possible."
1:38 pm - transfer at the bus station through the rain from one bus to another, which happens to have touchy brakes, as indicated by the bruises on my left shoulder
1:43 pm - exit said bus 1/4 of a mile from my house and trek through the horizontal rain (somethings do not change anywhere in Indiana), with my drooping, sopping jeans, my sloshing shoes, and my soaked notes.

Oh, what a day! What a remarkable day.