Some fun things

Kyle and I were both in need of some new shoes, but not the same kind. I decided I was finally fed up with getting snow and slush in my shoes all winter. I've never actually purchased snow boots, but knew this year I had to. My feet are always cold and I was certain I could find something utilitarian to keep my feet dry and warm.

What I found was much cuter than utilitarian, and much warmer than I could have expected. These are awesome boots (from DSW--my new favorite store).

Not only are they super cute, but look at the lining!

Even the foot bed is lined with this faux fur. It rocks!

Kyle has not had any brown dress shoes ever, I think. He has his high school Doc Martens, but they definitely aren't appropriate with khakis, and now that I got him some really sweet khakis for his birthday (last April), it was HIGH time he found some shoes.

On Black Friday, we found an unbelievable deal at DSW for these designer shoes. We'd been tipped off by our cousin that these are the dress shoes for comfort and style. We were, of course, sold even though the price was steep. Which made the super sale even more amazing...they were more than 50% off!

We had some trouble with the sizes, but eventually got that figured out. These babies are beautiful!

My first 4 days away from work.

I've kept myself super busy in the last 4 days that I've not been working (Fri, Mon, Tue, and today).

After stocking the pantry with baking necessities on Friday afternoon, I set to work in the kitchen whipping up pumpkin cookies with homemade caramel icing, cathedral windows (a holiday must), and pumpkin chocolate chip bread. In an attempt to try out some new hot drink recipes, I also put together traditional chai (a recipe from some international students and from scratch, of course) as well as a crock pot pumpkin spice latte.

Sunday we celebrated Christmas with Kyle's family, which was really fun and oh-my-the-food. We ate all day long and had a great time with the kiddos and the rest of the family.

Monday was a girls' afternoon for me. I had two friends over for some more time of food consumption and chatting and we ended up watching a chick flick. It was awesome.

Because I had made all the goodies on Friday, I set the cookies, windows, and bread out, along with a fresh batch of pumpkin spice lattes. We ended up with chips and dip, more holiday cookies, homemade appetizer meatballs, and a fruit plate with homemade fruit dip. Wow. It was incredible.

The spread.

In the midst of all of this, I've been de-junking. I accumulate a lot of junk; I can't lie. But then I go through times like this week, when I can't stand it and must throw things out (or give to Good Will or to friends and family or something). I found tons of random things, some of them gross (a previously used soap tray from college), some of them ridiculous (an IU poncho), and some of them hilarious (an old discman with three sets of earphones). I had to rearrange a closet because of something I purchased recently and needed space to store, so my closet is now in order. I bought a few smallish bins in which to store seasonal shoes, and moved a small dresser around to make the space. That closet is now Quincy's favorite place to hide.

In spite of the copious amounts of delectable foods we've consumed, we also have had to eat normal meals, so I threw together a fantastic recipe of crock pot chicken stoganoff pot pie. It IS as good as it sounds. I think I'll be making my cousin Alaina's bean soup at some point this week or next.

Because of all of the cooking, I find I have piles of dishes to do every day, which is my new least favorite chore. But, I guess when it means there are freshly baked goods around, I'll put up with it. Yesterday I made pumpkin spice muffins--one of my favorite muffin recipes from growing up. I think they are divine, and I even halved the oil and added as much apple sauce, so they are healthier!

Today I'm hoping to use up the last of the pumpkin (I bought HUGE cans of it around Thanksgiving and never used them) to make pumpkin pancakes (again, from Alaina), which I will freeze and use for lunches in January. Awesome idea, if I do say so myself.

Oh, and today I made curtains. Nothing fancy, in fact, they might be more embarrassing than anything, but I really wanted a half-curtain in the kitchen. All we had were very ugly valances from the previous owners. I bought some material on clearance last winter, but it ended up being not very much of it, so I put the project aside. Today, I decided to try it anyway. It worked. For the most part. Emily had the brilliant idea of making an edge around the panels to help use up more space, and I may yet do that. I just couldn't bring myself to try the calculations and stuff. I'm really bad at that.

I'll end the week on a high note tomorrow. We'll be having our own little Christmas celebration tomorrow or Friday morning, but then tomorrow afternoon I have a massage scheduled. I can't wait. I have the best massage therapist.

I hope all of you (whoever you are) have a wonderful Christmas. I hope it reminds you that, even when we're busy, we have a great reason for living: faith, hope, and love. There is nothing without these three!

The Past: Reflection can be Fun

Sometimes, I find great joy in perusing old pictures. Here are a few from my college days.

Images of Venice in December 2003.

Ireland, Fall 2003.

Spring Break, Taos, New Mexico, 2003

We built a house for Habitat for Humanity.

White water rafting down the Rio Grande.

Literary London trip, January 2003.

Shakespeare class, Tie Day. Whatever year that was.

End of Term

I'm beginning to see the light. I've finished my paper and turned it in, as well as a revision of the first paper I did (based on the prof's comments). I'm exhausted, but still have a final to get through. It seems deceptively easy, so I'm trying to study even though all I want to do is sleep, eat, watch movies, and be, um...super domestic. I'm dying to give the house a good cleaning, itching to spend a day or two baking and cooking to my little heart's content. I want to play the piano again. I want to sew the kitchen curtains for which I bought fabric last summer. I want to be lazy but busy doing the things I want to do, and the only way to make that happen is to have more than one day free from work and school.

Christmas break starts on Friday. I can't wait. In between then and now I have that little final (Mon night), two full days of web work for a course I'm assisting in J-term, one faculty Xmas party (which could be great or awful...we won't know until we find out who we're sitting with), and a 1/2 day on Friday (which will be torture).

I just have a few more Christmasy things to get. I could be totally done shopping, but Kyle and I decided to do stockings this year and I'm trying to be creative. It's not working so far, but I'm chalking that up to the brain drain that has been this paper over the last 3 weeks. I still have several gifts to wrap, but once work is over for the break, I'll have plenty of time to do that. I'm SO excited for this break, for time with family, and some relaxation. I need it badly.

Jane Turns 1 on Wednesday!

I can't believe it's been a year since that snowy, treacherous trip that Les and I made to the hospital far away to see little Jane and her parents. Kyle and I were marveling at how a little one can change so very much in their first year. I don't know that we've ever been so close in proximity to see the quarterly changes in a baby. It's been really fun to watch her grow.

We made it home for her birthday party on Saturday, which was hilarious from the moment we arrived. Her multi-hued pink tutu might have had something to do with it. Emily and her mother and sister-in-law outdid themselves with the spread. After we ate until we were stuffed, I found out we'd only had appetizers and the main meal was about to be served. Seriously? I might have skipped the main course and waited for cake.

We had a blast and I thought I'd include a few pictures and videos from the day.

Pictures in the next post.

December 1st

Happy Birthday today to two of my greatest friends, Liz and Cat.

Two amazing, highly educated, very driven, and highly accomplished women.

I love you and miss you. Hopefully I'll get to see you both at some point this month!

I found both of these pictures in my stash from Elaine's wedding. How cute are we?! Plus, what was up with my tan? Yikes. Guess I was getting ready for my wedding too, and I'd just returned from a week at the beach.

It's the end of November, and I'm just not sure I'm ready for December this year. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually finished with my holiday shopping and I'm eager for the semester to come to a close in terms of my class, but...I don't know. Maybe it's the looming winter. My office is so cold today, it feels like it's mid-February in here. My fingernails are all varying shades of purple and blue, and I keep shivering.

But that is not the point of this post. A few weeks ago I reconnected with a long lost friend. We might see each other once a year, but truly it's probably more like every two years. Saddest thing of all, she lives a mere 45 minutes from us. At any rate, on that day when we shared lunch, I wrote this down:

It's the small things in life: a real cappuccino at Patachou with a friend from grad school whom I haven't seen in years.

But it was even more than that. I've had great conversations with friends this Fall, somehow we found time amidst the chaos of my brain and my schedule. I have treasured each one. Last Wednesday I had another chance to lunch with a friend, and I had another delicious real cappuccino. Life is good sometimes, you know?

Weekend Food Fare

I don't typically write about food, but this week, Kyle and I discovered two great things and wanted to share.

First: How many of you have tried Apple-Pears? They are small, round, yet their skin is brown and Bosc-pear-like. They are delicious and perhaps my new favorite fruit. Crisp texture, sweet and juicy, they are delightful. I want to eat one with every meal. And, apparently now is the season to eat them. Next time you're at the grocery store, pick one up and try it. You won't be disappointed.

Second: My cousin's wife recently posted on Fb that she tried a Pumpkin Oatmeal Bake for breakfast with her four girls (ages 3 to 13, maybe). It was a hit in her family, and as I've been dying to make some pumpkin things, and yet not having time to search them out, I wanted to give this a try. My disclaimer is that I already love oatmeal and this recipe had all kinds of great spices in it, and raisins (which I also enjoy). I knew it would be good. We tried it for breakfast yesterday and loved it. It's so easy to throw together, and even in halving the recipe it made twice as much as we needed. I saved it for today's breakfast, not really knowing how oatmeal will save, and thinking it sounded kind of gross, really. Turns out, it's still good. I just finished my bowl of it and yum. It's actually better today, go figure.

If you would like to see the recipe, I'll send it to you, but I didn't want to type it up unless there was interest.

Today is Pizza & Wings day for lunch, as friends are coming over to watch the Colts game. I hope to later make a recipe Margaret just shared on her blog, something with lentils, and also a tuna casserole. I'll be gone Mon-Wed at a conference, but Kyle still has to eat, and I know if I don't make it, he certainly won't either. Plus, I want some food ready to be eaten when I return, brain-dead, on Wednesday night.

Happy Sunday to you all!

Ending 2010

On this ridiculously gorgeous 72-degree day of mid-November, I celebrated the end of my eye surgery journey with a peppermint mocha and blueberry scone.

Today's sun actually reminded me of the sun-shiny-ness of February 18th of this year when I had my eye surgery. Though not really warm, it was warmer than it had been that day because of the sun. I went in really nervous, not knowing what to expect from implanted contact lenses.

As of today, I can report that I see 20/20 in my left eye and 20/25 in my right. I do wear glasses most of the time for reading, driving, and writing (this is pretty much the entirety of my life right now). But there are random Saturdays where I get up, make some coffee, and find myself enjoying a day of no glasses. And, thanks to our awesome HDTV, I don't need to wear my glasses when we watch movies or most HD channels. That's pretty cool, I must say.

The doctor I saw today (not the surgeon, but one of his pre- and post-op checkers) asked me if I was satisfied. She explained that with the good vision I have now, trying to finagle any more changes for acuity might just cause more problems, which I can fully understand. I've struggled this year with disappointment that my eyes aren't perfect, that I do still need some vision correction for certain things (which happen to be very important things in my life). After some reflection, I realized that, as is typical Lana, I expected perfection. You see, I expect this in myself always, and have always struggled with expecting it from other people and situations. It's led to a lot of life disappointments, as you might imagine. This year I've tried very hard not to let it gain ground regarding my vision. I keep reminding myself: I was legally-blind and now I can see almost as good as everybody else. That's a miracle any way you shake it.

I was dismissed today; told to "call if you need us". It's hard to imagine for what situation I would need Price Vision Group again. I'm exceedingly grateful for what Dr. Price has given me. Just like their brochure says, I can now "Wake up and see." You don't even know what this means unless you've been there.

Was it worth it? As I think I've made clear above, yes. A thousand times over, YES! I would do it again. And, when I get cataracts, I'll go to Dr. Price and have him fix them. Well, maybe whoever has taken over for him by then. He has a good thing going there; I'll stick with him. Which also means, I recommend him and his staff and facility to any and all who are in need of eye procedures that he can do (see his web site). I know two people personally who have also been his patients, and both are as enthusiastic as I am.

Today, I lifted my tall peppermint mocha to Dr. Price and his gift of vision. To his great staff who has taken such good care of me (and who now know me by face--I'm not just a chart). And, to God, who makes all things possible--through men, through medicine, through miracles.

I am blessed.

Maybe not ready to be parents?

So, life has been crazy and the one continually redeeming factor about Oct-Nov has been Quincy. He's fantastic, super smart, and a great sick-day companion, as I found out this week. Quin's one joy in life is plastic bags. Okay, that's not entirely true. Even more than plastic bags, he loves the little plastic rings off of milk and juice bottles. He goes CRAZY every morning when I get the milk out because he thinks he might get a ring. If you want to be his friend someday when you visit, bring a ring and he'll love you for life.

But, his other love is, truly, plastic bags. Within the last two months he realized he could get inside of them, and not just lay on top of them. This has been revolutionary. When I unpacked my new dress from its box last night, all he wanted was the bag it came in. So, we let him lay on it, and then I showed him it opened and the rest is recorded below.

Enjoy this!

Perhaps the ultimate question is: Should we let him do this?

Why is he the cutest baby I've ever seen?

I know I've probably said this about Maddie and Katie and Jane at some points in their lives, but seriously. LOOK AT THIS FACE!

Pics from the weekend: Yellowwood S.F.

A few gems from the drive through Yellowwood.

Metal bridge.

Wooden bridge.

And this is my favorite.

It's the reflection of the trees in the river.

Gorgeous.

Pics from the weekend: B&B

Our room had a balcony!

Balcony view.

Antique-y furniture, but nice bathroom.

Here's the lovely room.

Us, 2-years later, not quite so decked-out

but still happy,

and standing outside our room on the balcony.

A big week.

Well, this has been a crazy week. Kyle and I spent Sat/Sun in Brown County, touring the Edinburgh Outlet Mall, Bloomington's Food Offerings downtown, Oliver Winery grounds (and tasting, mmm), and Yellowwood State Forest, not to mention several unknown country roads as we attempted to outsmart the horrific traffic jam on Hwy 46 between Columbus and Nashville.

We stayed in a bed & breakfast--a first time experience for both of us. It was really fun. The couple running the place were the kindest hippies (how perfect) I've ever met and unbelievable cooks. The woman told us she used to work for an Italian chef. After tasting breakfast, I know she's had training somewhere. We talked food places with them--hearing their favorite spots in Bloomington and surrounding areas and also about things they cook at home.

What we didn't check out before booking was what was going on at IU. Turns out it was Freshmen Parents' Weekend. Plus, there was a night game! So, not only did that explain WHY every place was booked out for the weekend, but it also would have warned us about the nightmarish traffic. Oliver Winery was so full, people were parking in the grass (we had to). We were stuck in traffic numerous times, but still managed to have a great getaway.

The weekend was to celebrate our anniversary, which was Monday--2 years! On Monday, however, I never saw Kyle, my mom came for dinner and to spend the night, and I had class (arriving home at 10p). Mom's visit was really to take me in for surgery early on Tuesday morning. It was the last attempt to fix my eyes before throwing our hands up and saying -- LASIK is it!

Surgery went well and quickly (over in 10 minutes), and besides being another traumatic experience without any relaxing drugs, I survived well. Later in the day, I couldn't even tell they'd done anything. I've not had any pain or discomfort, other than a dry yet leaky eye (and that was only today). There has been some minor improvement in vision, but I'm so tired still, and my eye is just a bit foggy, I think because it's dry.

I worked a late night on Wednesday, following a super early morning rise & shine for my day-after eye appointment in Indy. This is why I'm so exhausted. Early mornings and really late nights (for an oldy like me). I will work all day on Saturday and then we're having some friends over for a visit. Wow...long, crazy, tiring week. But, looks like I'll be able to get all my school work done which is essential.

Oh, and the other thing that was HUGE this week: I got a new phone! Seriously, this is amazing. For whatever reason, I started browsing some new phone ideas -- I was up for my free upgrade with Verizon. And I found this touch-screen phone that's not a smartphone, but it's a heck of a lot closer than the one I had. So, I got it because it was FREE to me. And I purchased a really small data plan so I can have some access to the Internet on my phone. Kyle was able to set up everything on the phone for me, including getting my contacts from one phone to the other, and he gave me a ready-to-operate object. I loved that! So did he. Like I said, it has a touch screen and a slide out keyboard. It's black and makes a lot of pretty noises. I'm super pumped. I finally have a mobile calendar! Maybe I can get rid of the hard-copy planner after all. We'll see. I'm not ready to commit to that.

Anyway, that's our big week. I need a couple slow ones after this. Yikes!

Unfortunately, no pictures

But I trust you can use your imagination.

Remember the post with pictures of Quincy in hilarious positions, including Burrito Kitty, Video Game Kitty, and Bible-Thumping Kitty?

Well, in the last week he's created two brand new positions that are definitely worth noting.

First is Mailbox Kitty. He sits in a nearly perfect rectangle and his head would act as the mailbox door. No tail visible, as it's tightly wrapped around his elbows (if cats had elbows, but you know what I mean).

Second is Roadkill Kitty, or Shot-on-the-Run Kitty. We walked around the corner of the kitchen yesterday to find him halfway out the computer room door, his head looked like he'd face-planted on the carpet while trying to outrun his friends in a rousing game of Cops & Robbers. His legs were all facing behind him at awkward angles. And he was dead asleep. We laughed for a long time on that one.

We love this animal. Can't believe we haven't been pet owners but for a few months.

Now do you know why we love him?

Look at the Book Thief title behind him.

A perfect explanation for what he is at this very moment.

Usurping my book collection and bookshelves!

But I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Big Stuff

So, Labor day weekend was busy. But Kyle got to do something really fun! He drove the tanker fire truck in the parade!

Here are the few shots I snapped (it was hard to get a good one while he was driving because I was sitting in between him and another firefighter...these are my efforts).

The driver.

The view while driving.

The view as he backed into the fire station

(mad skills here, folks).

The truck with all the families at the station.

The happy guy!

Oh, and before I sign off. First, his jersey, then his magnificent gift wrapping ability.

And, finally, a picture of Quincy to round out the family post!

It's the small things

Leaves crunched under my feet today as I walked across the really dry grass expanses of campus today.

How much do I love a job that let's me walk around on a beautiful day like today!

How I love the Fall!

I've already stated this in an earlier post, but as the chilly mornings have now arrived, I feel completely comfortable in saying it again: I love the Fall!

One of the main reasons I love it so much is because with its beginning comes my birthday and, more recently, my anniversary (two very good things in my life). Wrapped up in the celebration of my birthday is also that of my sister-in-law (Emily), my niece (Maddie), and a very close family friend (shout out to Tommy!), as well as a giant family reunion at my parents'. It's always a full weekend. This year we added a Wilson family reunion, too, and it rocked. So many people, so many good eats.

I know that chronicling the gifts given to me over the course of the last week isn't really all that exciting to anyone but myself, however, some of these gifts are super cool, and because I know you all love me and want to share in my joy, I am going to tell you about them.

Emily, always on top of things Emily, sent me a gift two days early, which was great seeing as we were gone all weekend and wouldn't have been around to receive it. I was not prepared for how perfectly packaged and displayed this awesome gift would be. Here it is online for you to drool over and perhaps order for yourself. In addition to two tins of the regular and mint varieties of sipping chocolate, I also received the tiny Bellagio mugs in which to serve it. I cannot WAIT to try this! Yum, yum, yum.

My parents fulfilled my wish to finally have a cast-iron griddle. Because of the weight of the iron and my bad hands, they so thoughtfully bought me a 10-inch round griddle, instead of a skillet, in which I can make perfect pancakes and quesadillas. They also got us the amazing coasters that actually soak up moisture. Revolutionary!

Today I'm wearing another beautiful gift: a green bead necklace from Leslie. It's gorgeous and fits with my outfit today, but also did on the day I received it and the day after! It's awesome. I might be wearing a lot more green from now on because, truly, it IS my favorite color.

Evan and Emily graciously gave me many pictures of Jane! How exciting. She was the one baby in our family of which I had no pictures and as I've been redecorating the home and office (removing the myriad wedding photos and replacing with our awesome families), these pics will come in super handy. She's precious!

In addition to these awesome gifts, Kyle has been on top of things, too. I finally for the first time in my life have an iPod. It's a tiny shuffle that clips to my clothes, so that I can run and work around the house without even knowing I'm wearing it. The thing weighs nothing. The sound is crystal clear. I love it. Then, because he's amazing, he also got me the first six Harry Potter films on Blu-ray. We'll be watching those for the next month or so and the picture quality is profound. You wouldn't even believe it.

In addition to the things listed above, I also received gift cards which I will use to purchase some much-needed work clothes, and a lovely smelling WoodWick candle and adorable little journals. Let me reiterate that it's not just about the gifts. Being with family is one of my favorite things in the world and this weekend was full of family.

Other things that are so great right now:

1. Kyle drove a fire truck in the Upland Labor Day Parade and I got to ride along!
   
   
2. I gave Kyle an extremely early Christmas present in the form of his choice of a Colts jersey to wear all season. He was so pumped.
   
   
3. It's time for soups, breads, and crock pot meals. I've not been good about making yummy breads, but I want to try harder this year. I love them, so why not? Banana, zucchini (although it might be a bit late for that now), pumpkin, lemon-blueberry...and on and on.
   
   
4. It's football season which means sleepy Sundays spent in front of the games on TV, breezes flitting through open windows and a very happy cat perched on his stool in front of said windows.
   
   
5. Cider. We love cider, and last year I discovered the best recipe ever for hot cider. Mmmm. Very exciting.

So, despite my lack of energy on the whole and, more specifically, motivation to get my school work done, life is GOOD in September, and I'm glad this month is here!

Things you don't expect to do #122: Clean up your husband's blood

I've written before about some terrifying night experiences that we've had (mostly just terrifying for me).

August held yet another episode in the Kyle Night Terrors show.

We hadn't seen each other very much during the first half of August, and finally we were back together, passing out from the exhaustion that was his traveling and my work + schooling. It was a particularly deep sleep for both of us, I think, but I awakened to him sitting up on the side of the bed in the blackest part of the night. He proceeded to get up and I heard a series of crashes, bangings, expletives, and loud noises I couldn't place in my sleepy state.

"Honey? Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Ah! Ow. Dear Lord!"

A moment later, he sat back down on the edge of the bed after setting the fan upright again.

After a few minutes, Kyle proceeded to the bathroom, where I heard more strange exclamations. He returned to say, "Close your eyes; it's going to be bright."

Of course I didn't listen, and as he turned on the light, we looked around to survey the damage of I still knew not what. The first thing I saw was a smear of blood on the sheets. And then, several inches lower a huge spot of blood, almost perfectly round. We looked at the carpet where he'd been standing and there were more blood spots in several places. At that point, I completely freaked out and was trying to survey from where on his body this blood was issuing. I discovered, or rather we discovered, that he was bleeding from four different spots on his body:

• his right thumb where he'd bent the nail back significantly
• his left wrist (where most of the sheet splotches came from)
• his left knee bore a giant rug burn that was bleeding a bit, and would later take to oozing
• and, his right pinky toe (from which the carpet stains issued) had a large slab of skin hanging loose and was bleeding profusely

How in the world, you might ask, as I did? And this is the story I heard.

Kyle was dreaming a normal I-know-I'm-dreaming sort of thing. He then moved from that dream to the oh-I-need-to-go-to-the-bathroom thought, at which point he sat up, looked around the room, and took off around the bed toward the door. He found himself confronting head-on the dresser that was 1.5 feet from the bedside, which he bounced off of and knocked over the fan, which pushed him hard into the closet door with a very loud BANG! The fan crashed over, the blades beating the carpet. Once he righted himself, he still didn't know where he was. He sat back down on the bed to figure out what was going on, and then, after a few minutes, proceeded to his original intended location: the bathroom. Which is when he found all the blood.

Because he was completely out of it from shock and obviously deep sleep, I scrounged for band-aids and helped him wrap up his many wounds. I ripped the sheet off the bed and started rinsing it under cold water until the blood disappeared. I got a new sheet out and together we remade the bed. As we crawled back into bed, I reiterated my first question: "What happened?"

We couldn't get back to sleep for a long time, though I'm positive I was awake much longer than he was.

Two things I wasn't expecting: another scary nighttime episode and having to clean up Kyle's blood and bind his wounds.

Needless to say, I'm thrilled August is behind us!

August, and summer, coming to a close

I'm very happy to see this month end. I've never been a fan of August, something to do with the really hot, humid weather, the smells of tar and asphalt on the road while running, and the back-to-school-ness of it all. I just don't like it.

In addition to those general August dislikes, this August has been the busiest month of our year. Kyle's work schedule has been out of control including a week-long business trip to Vegas and several really, really long days of "oh yeah, you have to stay for 3 or 4 more hours to finish this assignment today" type of situations. He also was called in on a Sunday and put in a 13 hour day. Yuck. In addition to those trying circumstances, he's had a lot of fun, too: a bachelor party in St. Louis and a wedding in Lafayette gave him more friend-time than he's had all year, probably. I'm fairly certain he loved it. He continues to be involved in the fire department here in town, too, which always leads to something to do.

I started back to work at the beginning of this month, which happened to be prior to the end of my second summer class. So I've been juggling work, school, papers, and household chores all month. I was very much looking forward to the two weeks off between summer class and the start of fall semester, but alas, it was not to be. Our professor for the fall assigned us 11 chapters of reading prior to Day 1 of class (which is Monday). This week, I had a 2-day faculty retreat on Lake James (northern IN). I was not looking forward to it, but, to my own shame and astonishment, I enjoyed it. I say shame because I know I should be more open to things, but really, all I wanted to do was hang out with Kyle for the few hours we get during the week. Especially considering how this month has gone. But the weather was lovely and cool, and I was able to find some very enjoyable people to chat with.

Today is freshman move-in day on campus. Everything's buzzing. Lots of parents, lots of students. I think this semester is going to fly past, but I'll keep it as long as I can. I'm really excited for football season, hot cider, crisp fall afternoons and evenings, and wearing sweatshirts. We also have some fun weddings to attend (4 over the course of the semester).

I guess I'm ready. I could have used two more weeks of recoup time, but this is real life, and I feel you never get rested as much as you need.

A Happy Fall to you!

Posting

I should be writing more. I should, and I know that. But, see, my brain is consumed by sentence structure, thesis construction and development, and trying to finish this course. I have one more class (Wed. night) and must finish the paper by Sunday evening. I'm hoping to have it done by Saturday, at which point I plan to celebrate by watching movies (by myself, unfortunately) and eating ice cream. That plan is still in the development stage, but it's hard to find time to do that amidst all the paper writing.

I'm hoping to get some pictures and posts up after Labor day, probably. Em had a lot of the photos from the week I spent at mom's in July. We'll see.

Tiredness is my most common feeling. So, I'm sorry for the lapse in communication, but, let me finish this summer of insanity and perhaps then I can be back on top of things.

Things that can ruin a date night.

• Planning a date night usually ruins any possibility of it turning out the way you want.

• Having a headache.

• Being super hungry and therefore unresponsive to conversation unless it's when you're being completely defensive about everything.

• Eating too much because of how hungry you were before you got food.

• A fire call on the way home.

So, I'll cuddle with my cat, instead of my husband, and I'll surf the Internets and I'll drink water and hope the pizza dissolves quickly in my stomach. Then, I'll read some more Vietnam War literature, trying to learn all I can about how PTSD is affecting veterans, and in doing so, I'll get depressed. Eventually, I'll pass out and maybe then Kyle will come home from the fire call.

Do I really want him to have this career? I don't know. If he was actually employed as a firefighter, wouldn't we know when he'd be gone? More predictability would be helpful. Or, perhaps if date nights did not include the fire pager. Maybe that.

So Quick!

Thursday morning, all the baby birds were gone.

I can't believe how quickly that whole being born and developing to full-blown adult happened in their little lives. Makes me grateful we humans take a bit more time to enjoy the stages!

The Things of Summer

Today, while grocery shopping, I realized that I've been coasting along all summer, hardly realizing it was summer based on the things we've been eating. We always get bananas and grapes...but today I found Rainer cherries, a cantaloupe, and some peaches. I was inspired to pick these up by the weekend fare at my mom's. Why do I get stuck in a rut?

There has been one particular thing happen near our home this summer, just recently in fact, that is super fun. We had a sparrow build a nest in a bush just outside our kitchen window. From the walkway up to our front door, you'd never know the nest was there, but from our window we have a clear view. Last Tuesday I saw the momma sitting on some blue speckled eggs. I couldn't count them all, due to the angle of the nest, but I guess there were three. I wanted to show my nieces the nest and eggs on Thursday when they visited, but they'd hatched by that morning. Instead of tiny eggs there were tiny barely-feathered necks with beaks on top--screeching loudly whenever the bush shook at the landing of one of their parents. The babies' eyes weren't open by Thursday, and I left for a long weekend wondering how much they could change in four days. They are HUGE now. The four babies barely fit in the nest now, whereas last week the nest swallowed them up! Their cries for food every three minutes is driving poor Quincy out of his mind. Until they fly away, I've had to give up part of the counter by the window. He's mesmerized by them, as am I, so I can't blame him.

As I was cleaning up my lunch dishes this afternoon, I had a staring contest with the baby on my side of the nest. He is so cute! I wanted to snap a photo, as they are moving around now and I assume they'll be off in a few days, or at least one more week. But I can't get a good shot...from the street-side of the bush, you can't even see the nest, and even traipsing around our landscaping won't get me a good angle. I fear the screen might get in the way of a picture from the kitchen-side, and so I am trying to store all the cuteness up in my mind: a memory, rather than a picture. I'm sure I don't exercise the memory portion of my brain much at all these days. So at least this is an opportunity to try.

Well, this was my study break, so I should return my thoughts to the Vietnam War and PTSD in veterans. I'm in the beginning stages of writing a paper. One and a half pages down, several more to go.

Breaking the Silence

I know it's been a few weeks. I finished up my final paper for the Jane Austen class and began the Vietnam War class. It wasn't an easy transition. And, since I knew so very little about the war in general, I've hit a real learning curve. The only thing is, I don't want to learn this.

We're reading a novel, three memoirs, and two books of poetry, all by people who served the U.S. armed forces in Vietnam. We're also watching film clips from documentaries (a Walter Cronkite one first, then tonight in class it was Dear America: Letters Home from Vietnam) to Hollywood productions like We Were Soldiers. I also had to read one more book on which to give a "book talk" to the whole class, meaning they won't read it, but will learn about it from my 5-minute presentation. That book was a memoir by an Amerasian boy, born out of this war, trying to survive the Communist regime that took over after the fall of Saigon, and his efforts to escape, hoping to make his way to freedom and America.

Now, I realize that I have a super sensitive empathetic nature. I realize things affect me, my heart, my sensibilities, my mind a lot more than some, perhaps most. But, what I'm learning about this war is horrific. For all sides. I have dreams about what I'm reading in these books; I'm haunted by images described and feelings experienced. Today I learned that the average age of the soldiers in Vietnam was 19. Average?! That those men (and women) who fought for their lives and managed to survive came back changed would be a given as well as an understatement. They were children, barely able to drive, not able to drink, did they even know who they were? I certainly didn't at 19. I thought I owned the world, yet I'd been nowhere and done nothing on my own. Sometimes I imagine what such a harrowing experience would have had on my 19 year old self. It's terrifying.

The psychological trauma of a war with no visible enemy, a war fought in a surreal environment for most of the kids (and I will call them kids because they were): a jungle, a beautiful land that became the enemy as it hid those attacking them and brought disease and sickness.

I've never known much about this war, and I assume this is because those who went never wanted to talk about it. History books give the cold, hard facts. What happened where. How many died, were injured, the end results. They don't give the personal accounts, the pieces that could humanize this totally dehumanizing war.

I hope you don't think I'm ranting. I'm processing as aloud as you'll ever hear me process. I'm trying to wrap my mind around (I hate that phrase, but what else to tell you how much I'm grappling with this?) the chaos, fear, and courage that was the U.S. involvement in SE Asia.

This is why I don't like the class. Because every time I finish a book, or even as I'm reading it, and after every class, I just want to weep. For the innocence lost in the soldiers who stared death and destruction in the face; for the soldiers who had no one to write letters home to, and thus no one to express their fear and uncertainty to; for the kids on the other side, with the VC, who were fighting just a desperately (I don't even know their stories); for the civilians of Vietnam who suffered terribly, who were scared and abused. I want to weep for those who suffered after all the "war" part was over, the tens of thousands of children who were by-products of the American soldiers being in Vietnam, for their suffering at the hands of the Communist Party thereafter.

How do you learn about this stuff, historical events that I could not have changed even if I had lived then; how do you hear this, see it through documentaries and the eyes of those who walked and fought it, how do you take this information and process it...into what? What can I do with it? Wars will always occur, and I will never like them. People die every day from abuse and disease--war related or not, and I can't ever stop that from happening. This course may be opening my eyes, but to what? My own helplessness in a world of hurt and destruction?

Now you know the source of my quietness and my depression. These are the thoughts I fight against every day.

Sometimes it blows up even bigger:

Who am I, in this big, broken world?

But that is a discussion for another day.