When I turned four, a lot of changes occurred in my life. We moved from a snug little ranch style house by the elementary school to a huge, 3-story home on the lake with a hilly yard surrounded by a woods and a field. That Christmas of 1986 (see the photo), I received one of the best presents ever: a grey teddy bear (by the tree, near Evan's feet).
Because I was brilliant at four years old, I named him Teddy. Mom even wrote his name "Teddy Bear" in white puffy paint on his beautiful maroon satin bow. Teddy became, from that moment on, my constant companion.
He's traveled with me everywhere--camping trips, church camp, on family visits to cousins in other states, to grandparents', to slumber parties, to overnight sporting events in high school, to college in the dorms, in apartments, the crazy house I lived in during grad school and to my first lone-dwelling. The only time I have forsaken him was my 4-month study-abroad trip to Ireland as a junior in college. I reasoned that he took up too much space in my limited suitcase allowance, so I traded him for an equally grey, yet much tinier hippo that I've had since I was very young, as well.
I realized a few days ago that I'm trading in this cute, cuddly grey stuffed animal for a much larger, more bony, person-sized bedfellow. And I'm not sure what to do with this. It's true, the new model will actually be able to converse with me, rather than providing silent support of my rantings. This is a positive. But consider the converse: the new model moves freely of his own volition. He could punch me in the face while sleeping or push me out of bed if he's angry.
I have a strong desire right now to read The Velveteen Rabbit. I always knew Teddy had some sort of real element, just like the toys in that story. I worry that I'll hurt his feelings if I leave him on the guest bed, or worse yet, put him into storage somewhere.
In talking with a cousin who shared similar sentiments about a stuffed animal, she explained that while she sleeps with her dog less often, she could not fully forsake him once she got married. Once you've slept with a thing for 22 years (as I have), something isn't right about not having that thing present. Twenty-two years. I haven't done anything that long (or longer) except live. It's no wonder I balk at the idea of tossing him aside. And yet...how can I keep him?
* Disclaimer: I realize that in disclosing this element of my life, you may come to believe that I am a sentimental fool. Who sleeps with the same stuffed animal for over twenty years? Who waffles over giving it up when the prospect of sleeping with another person presents itself? Who IS this girl? Well, I am a sentimental fool who doesn't like changes in routine, let alone in life. I'm a girl who assigns meaning to nearly everything by naming it (car, computer, stuffed animals, etc.). I'm a girl who believed in The Velveteen Rabbit and all that it stood for, who places importance on inanimate objects to make life more enjoyable. I'm that girl, the one who discloses too much information by way of her blog, just so her friends and family will keep reading.
2 comments:
I'm facing the same dilemma. I received my koala (I named him "Koala") on my first birthday and he keeps me company. True, I put a ponytail holder around his ear when i destroyed all the stuffing, but he is my very favorite. I even had a friend say, after seeing Koala, "That is a rotting corpse, Beth"--but he is just the best.
Don't feel bad or like you have to give Teddy up. I, after 7 years of marriage, still sleep with the blankie I've had forever. I've tried to give it up twice and even after a month of more of not having it, I just don't sleep as well. Even now, with Baby Isaac snuggled into bed with us from time to time, I can't seem to give it up. Jeremy has learned to tolerate it over the years, though he teases me from time to time about it's delapitated condition. I have a girl friend who finally put ber blankie away, at 30, but that was only because it became so worn out that she tore it in her sleep and didn't want to risk destroying it more. I think there are far more adults in the world that still sleep with something that anyone would guess.
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