Scary deal

After a shortened work day today, Em picked me up (wearing one of my favorite new shirts--with shiny blue guitars on a black background) and we headed home for a quick stop before heading out for some low-key shopping.

Discussing masseuses (mine is fabulous and Em just visited her), dropped internet connections, strange little boys in love with Emily and her (my) guitar shirt in Starbucks, and twilight zone type occurrences from last night, I grabbed some clothes to change from my dressy-ness to a more relaxed feel.

Halfway through dressing, I tossed the t-shirt onto the bed and turned to fix my Internet connection, which once again (7th time in 3 days) had stopped working. When I returned to my abandoned shirt, I saw a white streak across a section of the back. Thinking it was deodorant stain (sorry, it happens) and that I had forgotten to wash the shirt from the last time I wore it, I leaned in for a closer look.

And I was seized by fear. Because it wasn't deodorant. No, it wasn't a stain. It was a thick web. AND there was a stringy spider hanging by a few legs near it. I froze. I couldn't move. My heart started palpitating so fast I thought I was going to throw up, or keel over.

"Emily. Are you afraid of spiders?"

When she answered, "Yes," I realized that I need a man in my life to do things like kill bugs when I'm frozen by fear.

She came to inspect the offender, pronounced him dead, and then said, "Now the question is, does he look like a recluse?" Meaning a Brown Recluse Spider, the deadliest of deadly spiders. Hanging out in my clothes. In my closet. In my bedroom. Trying to kill me in my sleep.

She dumped him into the toilet, even though he was dead. After looking up "brown recluse spider" in Google, we decided he wasn't one. He was just f-ing scary.

Now I have to check all my clothes before I wear them for Brown Recluses and their scary ass cousins. I hate spiders.