I've been trying, for days, to develop a good post. I want to entertain, to educate, to encourage with my words here. But it's been a dry spell--creativity is far from me.
My mind is constantly churning thoughts, what-ifs, and scenarios about today, tomorrow, next month, and the next few years. I hate not knowing where I'm going, or what road I'm really even on, and that's precisely how I feel these days. Lost. Wandering...aimlessly.
I know our plans for the next year, even next few years. I know that I'm starting school again a year from now, that it'll take me three years to finish, unless I can bully my way through by cramming my days and nights with classes (like I did with Master's degree #1). I know that we won't be out of debt until the end of next summer, but that this summer's salary will pay for next summer's schooling, so we can make that fly. I know that in doing school this way, I'll be partially reimbursed, and that will remain during my entire 3-year part-time student, full-time employee status. I know that if we move, if we relocate so Kyle's days aren't as exhausting and long, all of this could change. That if we bought a house somewhere--here, there, anywhere--it would or could or may change all these plans. I also know how much can change in a year.
I became engaged a year ago. Now I've been married for 9 months. How'd that happen? Where did the time go?
I was reading over the archives of a friend's blog, someone I haven't contacted since college, but who writes well and, at least in college, shared many appreciations with me, for literature, music, and art. She and her husband had made plans to move to a country in Africa, and as the time neared for them to leave, the organization with which they were going switched their destination. She was lamenting not returning to a nation she loves, and yet remained excited for the simple fact that they were still moving to Africa. A week or so later, the organization actually cut them off. For whatever reason, they were no longer going. Her posts were so full of life, vitality--anger, disappointment, anticipation, almost grief at times. Yet they were so trusting, retaining their desire and ability to trust God would understand their hearts, their wishes to be abroad. I believe they are now somewhere in Southeast Asia. Their path had to change in order to get them to where they needed to be, a different country--a different continent, actually. And it's not like their journey is finished, is it? They might end up back in Africa, the exact country they wished to land in the first time around. Maybe the timing wasn't right on the first pass. Maybe it will be later on. Or maybe they'll love SE Asia more.
I contemplate these things constantly. Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing? This? Am I to be here, to be librarianing? Is my restlessness legitimate, or is it just my nature to live unsettled, to long for something different, something better, something fresh? The possibilities are pretty much endless, and I could spend many sleepless nights mulling over what we should or could be doing or going or being. But that's not productive, is it?
I know this year is bound to be tumultuous. And, truth be told, we've adjusted to married life rather well, but that's not the issue anymore for me. Kyle is as much a part of my life now as I am. He's that central to my existence. But I feel imbalanced in myself. Internally. I can't pinpoint it, but I do know that it's there. The scales are tipped, but I don't know which way, or why, or how to fix it. Frustrating, as you can imagine.
I haven't been running as consistently as is needed these days, and I'm wondering if my mental imbalance isn't just a way of telling me to hit the pavement again -- every day -- to do something healthy for my body, which incidentally brings my mind to a better state of being. But what if it's not?
See what I mean? Always questions...never resting. I need to get away from here.
22 June 2009
14 June 2009
Weekend Recap
I kind of feel like my weekend isn't over yet, which rocks because it started on Thursday night, not the typical Friday. I began my Summer Fridays Off schedule this past week and, let's face it, I love it.
Kyle and I took the opportunity to head to Rochester to return his dad's van, which helped us get our new couch & stereo. We had lunch with my mom and I picked up a few things I had in storage in my old bedroom closet at her house, and then we spent the afternoon with the Wilsons and Bartons -- relaxing in the sun, watching the girls with their huge turtle in a kiddie pool, Hal cleaning fish (which stank up the place...nast!), and chit-chatting the day away.
We got home that evening in time to wrap up Season 1 of Alias and begin Season 2. We love this show. We had to turn in early because of Kyle's morning CPAT test in Indy (that stands for Certified Physical Agility Test and is step #1 for being a firefighter in any capacity).
He had to be there at 8am, and I did not wake up until then (I'm so supportive, as you can see). It went well, and he passed. He's excited to begin pursuing this more concretely.
I used my morning well doing dishes, laundry, and walking to our local thrift store, where I found two awesome 50-cent shirts. Across the street they were setting up our Strawberry Fest (our version of the RBF), so I bought 4-quarts of strawberries while the pickin's were good! I spent the rest of my morning cleaning, air-drying, and topping all of the strawberries. TIME CONSUMING. But delicious because we made them into strawberry shortcake today with Leslie and her awesome from-memory short-cake recipe.
Kyle and I spent our Saturday in a superbly lazy way. We took a walk, watched more Alias, watched two movies, and did some computer trouble shooting (my desktop crashed on Monday).
At this point, the house is picked up, we've fully recovered, and we're still off for a good time this week.
Tomorrow we head to Chicago after work to see off Kyle's sister and her family to Ghana for their year in the mission field over there. We'll be staying with the family in a hotel on Michigan Ave, and have all of Tuesday to tool around the big city before seeing them off. It will be so fun.
That means, in all, I'll have had 5 days off of work in a row. Lovely idea. You should all try it.
See you on the flip side!
Kyle and I took the opportunity to head to Rochester to return his dad's van, which helped us get our new couch & stereo. We had lunch with my mom and I picked up a few things I had in storage in my old bedroom closet at her house, and then we spent the afternoon with the Wilsons and Bartons -- relaxing in the sun, watching the girls with their huge turtle in a kiddie pool, Hal cleaning fish (which stank up the place...nast!), and chit-chatting the day away.
We got home that evening in time to wrap up Season 1 of Alias and begin Season 2. We love this show. We had to turn in early because of Kyle's morning CPAT test in Indy (that stands for Certified Physical Agility Test and is step #1 for being a firefighter in any capacity).
He had to be there at 8am, and I did not wake up until then (I'm so supportive, as you can see). It went well, and he passed. He's excited to begin pursuing this more concretely.
I used my morning well doing dishes, laundry, and walking to our local thrift store, where I found two awesome 50-cent shirts. Across the street they were setting up our Strawberry Fest (our version of the RBF), so I bought 4-quarts of strawberries while the pickin's were good! I spent the rest of my morning cleaning, air-drying, and topping all of the strawberries. TIME CONSUMING. But delicious because we made them into strawberry shortcake today with Leslie and her awesome from-memory short-cake recipe.
Kyle and I spent our Saturday in a superbly lazy way. We took a walk, watched more Alias, watched two movies, and did some computer trouble shooting (my desktop crashed on Monday).
At this point, the house is picked up, we've fully recovered, and we're still off for a good time this week.
Tomorrow we head to Chicago after work to see off Kyle's sister and her family to Ghana for their year in the mission field over there. We'll be staying with the family in a hotel on Michigan Ave, and have all of Tuesday to tool around the big city before seeing them off. It will be so fun.
That means, in all, I'll have had 5 days off of work in a row. Lovely idea. You should all try it.
See you on the flip side!
09 June 2009
A Lame Blogger
I realize that I've done poorly in getting back into blogging. Life is a whirlwind right now.
For a quick recap:
Add to that the fact that my hands are shot from lifting, shifting, and moving around about 4000 Reference (= heavy, huge, and awkward) books in the last 10 days, and you'll see that I'm a complete wreck. There you will also find your answer as to why I haven't called.
Our weekends are filling up, which is both fun and tiring to think about. We're trying to fit in a couple of Indianapolis Indians games, game nights with friends, cook outs and bonfires with family, as well as keeping time for us to hang out on weekends, since we barely see each other during the week (like tonight -- Kyle got home at 8pm, was in bed by 9pm).
We're heading to Chicago this coming Monday night to meet up with the Wilsons and send off the Ghana crew. 1 year...really? Seems so long. But they are SO ready to be going and we can't wait to hear what God is doing in Accra.
If you want to hang out this summer, give us a call or drop a line and we'll make if official.
For a quick recap:
- Dinner with Amy and Allen at the end of May
- Indy visit the next weekend--I got to see Kate!!!, and Kyle was able to spend hours at a car show with friends
- We gave away our living room furniture (couch, loveseat, & end table) and watched movies on a sheet and blanket with pillows in the front room for about 5 days
- We got mom & dad's blue couch and my favorite stereo of all time (it has an 8-track player and record player all in one giant piece of furniture--we're still awaiting a recliner from them, which will come our way once they get their new furniture)
- Kyle continues to find out more information about being a volunteer firefighter in the area, and has a very important and EARLY test in Indy this Saturday
Add to that the fact that my hands are shot from lifting, shifting, and moving around about 4000 Reference (= heavy, huge, and awkward) books in the last 10 days, and you'll see that I'm a complete wreck. There you will also find your answer as to why I haven't called.
Our weekends are filling up, which is both fun and tiring to think about. We're trying to fit in a couple of Indianapolis Indians games, game nights with friends, cook outs and bonfires with family, as well as keeping time for us to hang out on weekends, since we barely see each other during the week (like tonight -- Kyle got home at 8pm, was in bed by 9pm).
We're heading to Chicago this coming Monday night to meet up with the Wilsons and send off the Ghana crew. 1 year...really? Seems so long. But they are SO ready to be going and we can't wait to hear what God is doing in Accra.
If you want to hang out this summer, give us a call or drop a line and we'll make if official.
26 May 2009
Wedding weekend
Mid-May, we had a wedding weekend with some great friends.Here are a couple of my favorite pics from the event.
On their way from ceremony to reception: Matt & Courtney
At the reception
The wedding partySummer fun; Weekend #1
My summer started off with a BANG! And I must say that if this is how my summer is going to play out, then I'm totally on board.
Friday: 2 best friends from college are here for lunch with our favorite professor. A surreal time of hilarity, delicious dining, insane puppies, and long over-due hanging out.
Saturday: Graduation of our students (Yay!), which officially finished our school year. The 3 hour ceremony was closely followed by the arrival of Evan and Emily for a day of tennis, games, and more scrumptious fare from a local eatery.
Sunday: church and grocerying. Tooling around in a friend's Mustang Shelby GT 500, plus more eating out and more ice cream. Purchasing new spectacles, which I haven't done in at least 6 years and was badly needed, since my prescription has progressed markedly in that time frame. I was able to meet Liz's new nephew, Alex, who is only a few months old, to hold him for a while, and to hang out with his mom and sister. That was awesome.
Monday: family get together about two hours away from home. Tons of food, more tennis, games, and lots of people to chat up. It was brilliant.
So, naturally, we crashed by 9pm and awoke to a new work week. A fantastic start to a busy, family and fun-filled summer. Some of my plans include a trip to Chicago with the fam, one or two Indians games, a week with my AZ girls (though not in AZ, sadly), a week with the Edwards & Co. in the Lower Carolina, and some other random fun thrown in there. If you are ever up for games and food, look us up.
I leave you with a picture or two of my new specs. I love them. They are VERY different for me, but cute, I think.
Friday: 2 best friends from college are here for lunch with our favorite professor. A surreal time of hilarity, delicious dining, insane puppies, and long over-due hanging out.
Saturday: Graduation of our students (Yay!), which officially finished our school year. The 3 hour ceremony was closely followed by the arrival of Evan and Emily for a day of tennis, games, and more scrumptious fare from a local eatery.
Sunday: church and grocerying. Tooling around in a friend's Mustang Shelby GT 500, plus more eating out and more ice cream. Purchasing new spectacles, which I haven't done in at least 6 years and was badly needed, since my prescription has progressed markedly in that time frame. I was able to meet Liz's new nephew, Alex, who is only a few months old, to hold him for a while, and to hang out with his mom and sister. That was awesome.
Monday: family get together about two hours away from home. Tons of food, more tennis, games, and lots of people to chat up. It was brilliant.
So, naturally, we crashed by 9pm and awoke to a new work week. A fantastic start to a busy, family and fun-filled summer. Some of my plans include a trip to Chicago with the fam, one or two Indians games, a week with my AZ girls (though not in AZ, sadly), a week with the Edwards & Co. in the Lower Carolina, and some other random fun thrown in there. If you are ever up for games and food, look us up.
I leave you with a picture or two of my new specs. I love them. They are VERY different for me, but cute, I think.
12 May 2009
Because sometimes, you cannot take it seriously
I love sarcasm. Many of you who read my blog will already know that. But I can wholeheartedly say that nothing brings me more joy than hearing or reading a brilliant *zing. It doesn't really matter if it's directed at a person, an organization, or a subculture; if it's a good one, I will laugh.
Myself, I'm a part of several types of groups that deserve to be made fun of on some level.
I'm a Librarian, for one. We deserve ridicule for our sensible shoes and our bad fashion (most of us, anyway--you should see what I'm wearing right now). We deserve to be mocked when we straighten everything in the Library and at home, on our desks and in our drawers (desk AND clothing drawers included in this comment).
I'm a Literary person. I prefer books to people most days of the week. I have written very bad poetry for years, which thankfully dried up after being forced to write so many stories and poems in my pursuit of a B.A. in creative writing (a degree I use 0% of the time). When I have nothing to do, you will find me reading. Whether online or a physical book, I'll be devouring words one way or another.
I'm a Christian. There are many, I could say myriad, reasons why Christians should be the butt of jokes. As an adolescent person, I had no sense of humor. So, when people ribbed my Christian-ness, I was always offended (I spent the majority of my develomental years being offended by everyone in my life--friend or foe, sibling or parent). In college, I had to get over that, because I found myself drowning in an ever-expanding sea of Christian subculture. If I hadn't been able to develop a sense of humor about the cliche and often ridiculous things that Christians say and do, I would have keeled over from overexposure. Or broken from the rigid lines of perfection and "we are perfect" mentality that I would have insisted were reality. By my senior year, I was mocking Christians more than joining them, which is okay, I think. It's part of spiritual development (no really, it is) and part of the whole owning up to the light and dark sides of my relationship with Jesus and the rest of Christianity. This year, however, my acceptance of all things redonk (short for ridiculous, or redonkulous) in the Christian realm has been fueled by a great blog I stole off of someone's Facebook comment: http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/
I laugh at every new mini-essay the author, Jon, posts about Christian superficiality and the things we find ourselves doing and saying as a part of this subculture. I love it. I think everyone should read it.
So this is my plug for Stuff Christians Like.
These days, I try very hard to keep an open attitude toward sarcasm. I know sometimes it can be painful and sometimes inappropriate. I try to steer clear of those opportunities by biting my tongue, literally. It works, occasionally. If my wit ever does hurt your feelings, tell me. I don't like to embarrass or berate people. Mostly, I'm just searching for the funny or absurd. Those are my favorites.
Myself, I'm a part of several types of groups that deserve to be made fun of on some level.
I'm a Librarian, for one. We deserve ridicule for our sensible shoes and our bad fashion (most of us, anyway--you should see what I'm wearing right now). We deserve to be mocked when we straighten everything in the Library and at home, on our desks and in our drawers (desk AND clothing drawers included in this comment).
I'm a Literary person. I prefer books to people most days of the week. I have written very bad poetry for years, which thankfully dried up after being forced to write so many stories and poems in my pursuit of a B.A. in creative writing (a degree I use 0% of the time). When I have nothing to do, you will find me reading. Whether online or a physical book, I'll be devouring words one way or another.
I'm a Christian. There are many, I could say myriad, reasons why Christians should be the butt of jokes. As an adolescent person, I had no sense of humor. So, when people ribbed my Christian-ness, I was always offended (I spent the majority of my develomental years being offended by everyone in my life--friend or foe, sibling or parent). In college, I had to get over that, because I found myself drowning in an ever-expanding sea of Christian subculture. If I hadn't been able to develop a sense of humor about the cliche and often ridiculous things that Christians say and do, I would have keeled over from overexposure. Or broken from the rigid lines of perfection and "we are perfect" mentality that I would have insisted were reality. By my senior year, I was mocking Christians more than joining them, which is okay, I think. It's part of spiritual development (no really, it is) and part of the whole owning up to the light and dark sides of my relationship with Jesus and the rest of Christianity. This year, however, my acceptance of all things redonk (short for ridiculous, or redonkulous) in the Christian realm has been fueled by a great blog I stole off of someone's Facebook comment: http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/
I laugh at every new mini-essay the author, Jon, posts about Christian superficiality and the things we find ourselves doing and saying as a part of this subculture. I love it. I think everyone should read it.
So this is my plug for Stuff Christians Like.
These days, I try very hard to keep an open attitude toward sarcasm. I know sometimes it can be painful and sometimes inappropriate. I try to steer clear of those opportunities by biting my tongue, literally. It works, occasionally. If my wit ever does hurt your feelings, tell me. I don't like to embarrass or berate people. Mostly, I'm just searching for the funny or absurd. Those are my favorites.
07 May 2009
Creeping back in
I almost want to come back. Really, I do.
I've had things I want to share with people.
Like the student who came to the library last week in a camo poncho and a Panama Jack bermuda-type hat.
Or just to let you know we had a nest of spiders hatch in our bathroom circa midnight last Saturday, and we were up spraying RAID and killing those trying to escape the burning fumes until after 1 am.
Or that I miss my friends, the ones who've moved away and gotten busy with life (like me). In the Spring I always miss Elaine because of memories from being on campus with her during the final weeks of school every year. I read her senior paper this week because I missed her so badly.
Or that I feel so blessed to be so much in love with a great guy who brings me chocolates and watches chick flicks and goes on walks just because those things make me happy.
I may need to switch my "break up" mentality from blogging to Facebook. I think I'm a bit addicted to the constant information updates in that realm. This summer would be a great time to focus elsewhere.
Also, of note, I've been reading A LOT. Another benefit from my hiatus from blogging. Since January, I've knocked out the Zion Covenant series: 9 books in total! The first six are about 400-500 pages a piece. The last three are a couple hundred and not as well-written. But I loved them. The characters kept me going this winter when little else could. I dreamt about them, thought about them during the days and wondered how they were going to survive the new twists and catastrophes occurring around them. Fantastic, really.
Today I finished reading Where the Heart Is, one of my favorite Natalie Portman / Ashley Judd movies. The book is good. Has some great character development and actually some changes in plot that I enjoyed.
I read Sex God, a book about the modern conception of sexuality and taking a fresh approach from a Christian perspective, by the new Christian super power himself, Rob Bell. Not as big of a fan of this one. The last few chapters had some great points about how we should view and relate to the people around us. But overall, I'm not a fan of his writing style. I got lost in his vignettes.
In the near future, I'm hoping to read The Living by Annie Dillard. A book I "borrowed" from Elaine about a year ago. Oops. I promsie to return it, darling. I'm also probably going to start the Zion Chronicles series, related to the Thoene books mentioned above. Yay!
Here's to happy reading, more jogging, less eating, more sunshine, less cold weather, and the glorious days of summer awaiting us just around the corner!
I've had things I want to share with people.
Like the student who came to the library last week in a camo poncho and a Panama Jack bermuda-type hat.
Or just to let you know we had a nest of spiders hatch in our bathroom circa midnight last Saturday, and we were up spraying RAID and killing those trying to escape the burning fumes until after 1 am.
Or that I miss my friends, the ones who've moved away and gotten busy with life (like me). In the Spring I always miss Elaine because of memories from being on campus with her during the final weeks of school every year. I read her senior paper this week because I missed her so badly.
Or that I feel so blessed to be so much in love with a great guy who brings me chocolates and watches chick flicks and goes on walks just because those things make me happy.
I may need to switch my "break up" mentality from blogging to Facebook. I think I'm a bit addicted to the constant information updates in that realm. This summer would be a great time to focus elsewhere.
Also, of note, I've been reading A LOT. Another benefit from my hiatus from blogging. Since January, I've knocked out the Zion Covenant series: 9 books in total! The first six are about 400-500 pages a piece. The last three are a couple hundred and not as well-written. But I loved them. The characters kept me going this winter when little else could. I dreamt about them, thought about them during the days and wondered how they were going to survive the new twists and catastrophes occurring around them. Fantastic, really.
Today I finished reading Where the Heart Is, one of my favorite Natalie Portman / Ashley Judd movies. The book is good. Has some great character development and actually some changes in plot that I enjoyed.
I read Sex God, a book about the modern conception of sexuality and taking a fresh approach from a Christian perspective, by the new Christian super power himself, Rob Bell. Not as big of a fan of this one. The last few chapters had some great points about how we should view and relate to the people around us. But overall, I'm not a fan of his writing style. I got lost in his vignettes.
In the near future, I'm hoping to read The Living by Annie Dillard. A book I "borrowed" from Elaine about a year ago. Oops. I promsie to return it, darling. I'm also probably going to start the Zion Chronicles series, related to the Thoene books mentioned above. Yay!
Here's to happy reading, more jogging, less eating, more sunshine, less cold weather, and the glorious days of summer awaiting us just around the corner!
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