It's almost claustrophobic being back here - at home with the 'rents.
What bothers me the most about visiting here are the following:
* Having to explain myself - who I'm going to see, when, for how long, and what we'll be doing.
* Feeling guilty - for not spending enough time with them, or for lashing out in cabin feverish anger, or not telling the truth about item #1.
* Scheduling showers, laundry, TV time and dinners according to their preferences.
Yes, these are all very selfish reasons - please understand that I know this.
There are always good things, too, some of which also directly relate to the above. Such as...
* Mom's food. Nothing better - as attested to by my quick gain of weight since coming home.
* Watching movies with people, not just by myself.
* Someone else working my laundry into their loads.
But the claustrophobia peaked this morning around 5 am when I came upstairs, sending a friend off and heading to bed, as my mother was coming downstairs from her night of slumber. I was embarrassed, felt horrible, and then realized that if I was at home (in my home), no one would care and it would be fine.
After said friend left, my mom came from around the corner, where she'd been hiding (thankfully, I'd heard her zipping her navy velour robe), and said, "Well, this is unusual!"
I had no response. So I went to bed and got only 3 hours of sleep.
4 comments:
You've got it. That's the voice that she used, with the lower-than-normal sleep voice.
I used to have many of those kinds of moments when I'd come home from college. Eventually my mom stopped trying to rule my life and things became much less stressful at certain times. I think the biggest difference was the fact my brother and sister started getting older because when I'd go home she'd treat me like a junior higher sometimes.
I feel like that all of the time, Chalupa. At least 15...and I don't get it. I've been an adult for many years now. What's the deal? I guess it's because I'm the youngest and they only have sway over me, and that power will be gone when I get out of school next December and move out of reach of their talons.
Sometimes I would just leave. I had some friends who were going to U of Iowa and had an apartment and I would occasionally just drive the hour over there and hang out for a few days. That might sound a bit extreme but it was better than me going crazy or saying some things I'd really regret later.
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