The idea that God has a way of reaching people with major life lessons during a time a grief has always seemed to be a bad way of going about things, in my opinion. Why bring death, something so painful and impossible to comprehend, into it?

Why does pain teach us things we are nearly incapable of learning without it? Even seemingly simple lessons.

I get that we are not supposed to understand God's ways. But it doesn't mean I don't question them constantly.

I wish I knew if I should have done something differently. I wish I knew if I had misheard or misunderstood the directions I was so sure He was giving me. I wish I could understand if this whole fiasco is my fault, or if it's my lesson, or his. I feel as if I'm missing something.